Ever since the university decided to change from Coke to Pepsi, I, like everyone else, have felt a sense of anxiety, irritability, strong cravings and sleep disturbances. But after doing some research,...
WARNING! Due to a silly goose infiltration, this article is satirical in nature and should not be interpreted as factual.
Beyoncé booked for commencement speaker is the shock of the century.
The question...
WARNING! Due to a silly goose infiltration, this article is satirical in nature and should not be interpreted as factual.
The Kansas City Chiefs relocated to Grand Junction after their 4 year contract...
WARNING! Due to a silly goose infiltration, this article is satirical in nature and should not be interpreted as factual.
New vigilante hero Major Maverick has been roaming the CUM campus. Bystanders...
Odyssey Nuts, Inaccuracy Researcher
• April 1, 2026
WARNING! Due to a silly goose infiltration, this article is satirical in nature and should not be interpreted as factual.
Jared Taylor returned to CUM to throw students a Neapolitan ice cream party as...
WARNING! Due to a silly goose infiltration, this article is satirical in nature and should not be interpreted as factual.
The Grand Junction Police Department (GJPD) arrested a suspect connected with...
Amidst the leaking of the image of Major Maverick and The Misinformer making out, a story of their potential falling in love has emerged from the bowels Ao3. Written by user @Mavalovers6769420 under the...
Airheads (Mar 21 to Apr. 19)
Go prank someone. Your repressed goblin self is perfect for this time of year! April Fools is your day to shine. Go full ape shit.
Cows (Apr. 20 to May 20)
Prepare to...
Dear Crite Staff,
It’s come to my attention that some of you are concerned over recent actions I, Sad Silver, took against my fellow Opinions Editor, Redbull Done. I’m sorry you feel that way about...
Students woke up on the warm day of March 27, expecting a day just like any other. Going to classes, eating lunch, and hanging out with friends. But nothing could have prepared them for what awaited them...
Shut up, we’re making hooch in the bathroom. We need yeast, sugar, heat and time. Now, it’s gonna taste rough, but if you’re willing to make alcohol in the bathroom, do you really care?
The easiest...
