Dear Crite Staff,

It’s come to my attention that some of you are concerned over recent actions I, Sad Silver, took against my fellow Opinions Editor, Redbull Done. I’m sorry you feel that way about the incident, but, frankly, I’m tired of hearing complaints and rumors about what actually went down. I want to tell my side of the story instead of caving into the toxic gossip, and I’m sorry that your feelings may be rattled by what I have to say.

I know none of you want to hear what I have to say and are tired of me rambling by now, so I will quit burying the lead: I may have poisoned Redbull Done, maybe even moved their body, but you know I did not mean it like that. I was just trying to settle a personal situation with Redbull, so you need to chill.

I cannot believe you are making me air out our dirty laundry when my actions were only misinterpreted.

My integrity and the integrity of my lover, Edward Picklehands, was threatened by libelous actions, bordering on libelous ones, by our Opinions Editor.

Redbull told people that they could “have opinions” about recent actions my lovely Picklehands took on campus, which is a major no-no. I know my darling Eddy has been a pariah for the past few weeks because of what happened in the Plaza, so it really was not my fault for reacting in the way I did.

I am still sorry for how Redbull reacted to my actions, but I was just trying to defend him and his honor. I know that Redbull only wanted to throw him under the bus and I had to act as soon as possible. People judging my one-and-only was too upsetting, so I’m sorry if my recent actions offended anyone.

Some of my behavior may have gone too far, just like only a small amount of arsenic happened to fall into a cup of tea that Redbull poured last night for the both of us to share. That was a really embarrassing moment for me, and I probably sustained a back injury when picking up the body. I took melatonin beforehand, and I apologize for trying to move Redbull’s body while under the influence. My beautiful Eddy was willing to offer a picklehand or two after I called, since he is amazing and you all should agree, but I think I should have handled the incident with more empathy.

I did not see the situation from Redbull’s side before letting the body hit the floor, which also created a massive dent. I’m still disgusted by what I did and know that was my and Redbull’s body’s rock bottom. I make no excuses for my behavior, but think everyone needs to calm down.

Honestly, if I hurt anyone during this incident, I am sorry you feel you were harmed by my actions. I am now choosing to look at my behavior and evaluate my recent mistakes.

Best,

Sad Silver