Ever since the university decided to change from Coke to Pepsi, I, like everyone else, have felt a sense of anxiety, irritability, strong cravings and sleep disturbances. But after doing some research, investigation and bribery throughout the campus, I discovered what I was looking for: the Coke Speakeasy. For both legal and personal reasons, mostly wanting to keep my head on my shoulders, I’m not allowed to tell you guys where it is, but here is my experience with it.
When I got there after saying the secret password (it was Polar Bears) and there was the last of the Coke fountain, there was some good entertainment like this place where the Air Band Concert goes to practice, so the music was great, but the Coke, the Coke was the best part of it. It was made in front of you and it looked different but tasted better.
I felt a great rush of energy and felt like I could fight god and win because I’m just that great. Also, there was the fight club which would chant some wired thing like the rules:
“First rule of fight club, you don’t talk about fight club.”
And the leader was beating himself up and then walking up to me and trying to make me fight him but I just ignored him and he said that coke was a social construct and that I was a clog in the machine. I then punched him no one talks bad about coke in front of me.
Anyways with the coke I was able to finish all of this month’s homework in like 10 minutes. This coke is way more potent and expensive than the people who ran the place talking about the original recipe or something like that.
