Shut up, we’re making hooch in the bathroom. We need yeast, sugar, heat and time. Now, it’s gonna taste rough, but if you’re willing to make alcohol in the bathroom, do you really care?
The easiest and most enjoyable use of your free time as a student is to make prison wine in CUM’s toilets.
Most recipes are highly secretive. It’s often best to experiment with different ways of brewing. However, all recipes have a few things in common. To make prison wine, you need a container to ferment the wine, a selection of fruits, sugar, water, yeast or bread and a week’s worth of waiting before you can enjoy your creation. Now that you know how to make the drink, these are the best places to get started.
The Q-doba bathroom the ideal place for prison wine. The convenience of the library to the rest of the campus, alongside the inconsistent nature of the Q-doba, makes having a batch of hooch nearby a smart idea.
The aroma off the last batch I did in there had notes of cinnamon, bell pepper and used band-aid on it.
Those family bathrooms are peak fermentation spots for the opportunistic eye. Port-a-potty? Walter White, eat your heart out.
Another great location for your pruno adventures is in the upstairs bathrooms of the University Center (UC). Almost all recipes for prison wine require time and dedication to make. The UC is a perfect place to start your batch as it provides an uninterrupted space to make your wine.
Since this isn’t a family bathroom, the swirl of bacteria from the variety of inhabitants using it at once give the pruno a distinct minerality that pairs well with Hot Pockets.
Out of all of the buildings on our campus, the cleanest one by far is Asteria Theatre. The theatre itself has hosted countless plays, speakers and other various events. The most prolific speaker hosted within Asteria was Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
So when Neil himself says that the bathrooms in Asteria are one of the best places on campus to make prison wine, you listen to him.
The Asteria bathrooms are an optimal place for these water closet contraptions due to just how nice they are to be in. They’re in a perfect place to see great events and enjoy a prison delicacy while you’re at it.
