Baseball has been around for a long time, and let’s all be honest… It’s getting kind of boring to watch. I don’t really know how many more times I can watch Aaron Judge hit a piss-missile to 450 dead center, and I don’t know how many more free agents to the Dodgers I can take.
It’s just boring to watch, repetitive, and who wants to watch a bunch of sweaty men wack balls with a giant wooden stick for 3 hours in the middle of summer? I know I don’t. So, enter world-renowned philanthropist and esteemed YouTube star Mr. Beast!
Beastball is the new hit sport coming to Prime Video later this year. But you may be wondering what this new sport is all about.
Here are the rules for what critics have dubbed “The new hottest shit on the market!” Don’t worry, this one won’t flop like the last Mr. Beast prime show. We promise.
First things first, not everyone can play Beastball. You have to have one hell of a death wish, because not many will make it out alive.
Beastball is played on a giant sheet of ice in the shape of a baseball park. Hockey is such a great sport, and what makes it so awesome (aside from the heated rivalries) is the fact that players literally smash into each other at upwards of 20 mph, on sheets of ice! Who wouldn’t want that?
Relief Pitchers? Forget about it. Pitchers are required to play the entire game. It does not matter how much torque they ruin their arms with, or if their left arm fell off 2 innings ago, they are playing the whole game.
As Tom Hanks said, “There’s no crying in baseball!”
Additionally, the Beast team finally addressed the glaring issue with the outfield.
“The field is just too barren. You need something other than three guys out there… So we put sharpened spikes on the walls, barbed wire lying around the grass, and we even threw some landmines under the turf for good measure. We are certain that it will spice up routine fly-outs,” a Beast team representative said.
Old rules, such as cleat spiking and hitting opponents with the ball, have returned; there are even reward runs in special cases.
Boring old baseballs are still here, but with a twist. Once per game, the pitcher may throw a live grenade to the batter in hopes of ending the batter’s night.
“We are so excited for this series to premiere. It was a fun one to work on. 162 games is no easy feat for Beastball players, but all of them were absolute champions,” Gamemaker Mr. Beast said.
Imagine the bottom of the 9th, 2 outs, a team’s best batter is up. The pitcher uses his grenade ball and ends the game in a single pitch.
Beastball premieres later this month and there will be a viewing party in Arcadia.
