Disaster struck campus on March 32, when Colorado Mesa University (CMU) junior quarterback I.P. Freely dramatically slipped and fell on a discarded banana peel. CMU’s training staff expect Freely to miss all of next season.
The incident occurred at approximately 4:20 p.m. in the CMU Plaza in front of the University Center. Freely was reportedly gawking at a picture of Rowdy daintily posing in a rather revealing bikini on his phone, which impaired his vision before the fall.
Students reported hearing a Tom and Jerry-esque series of events, capitalized with the sound of drums crashing when Freely hit the ground.
“It was really weird. You probably could’ve heard it from the other side of campus; it was like someone randomly inserted audio from Looney Tunes. Freely stayed in the air for an excessive amount of time, trying to regain balance. It didn’t even follow the laws of physics. I think I even heard a laugh track at the end of it too,” sophomore English major Mary Juana said.
Freely suffered a gnarly scraped elbow during the tumble. As any sports fan knows, a scraped elbow is a devastating injury, and it could take years for Freely to recover. Who knows if the star quarterback will ever be the same.
“It all happened so fast. It was like one second I’m looking at sexy Row.. Errr I mean my Outlook, and then BOOM, I’m slipping on a banana. Right now, I don’t have a timetable for when I’ll be back. A scraped elbow is almost as bad as stubbing a toe, you know, so it could be awhile,” Freely said.
Apparently, a Monument Hall resident saw two sketchy-looking football players wearing Colorado State University – Pueblo gear hovering around the scene moments before the catastrophe. One cannot help but think this may have been intentional sabotage of the most reprehensible form. As Colorado Bill H.R. 6969 states: “the intentional placing of a banana peel with the intent of prank or injury is a heinous crime, punishable by a really long and unpleasant conversation with an obnoxious coworker.”
Despite the setback, Maverick fans can get excited as Freely’s sophomore backup E. Rex Sean has shown some flashes on the field. And by flashes, I mean Rex Sean has literally been charged with public indecency. If not good football, at least fans can look forward to some provocative entertainment next season.
