Everyone is afraid of something different. Some people love spiders but can’t stand snakes. Some are nervous in front of a crowd, while others find respite in public performances. And some people are afraid of walking home at night. Especially a college freshman, and especially after midnight.
I started working at Tomlinson library about a month after starting at Colorado Mesa University (CMU). The building closes at midnight, so that’s when I get off work. I love my job. My coworkers are helpful, the building is quiet and I have a flexible schedule.
Living on campus makes it easy to get home quickly. It wasn’t too bad at first. But recently, it’s gotten cold and I can hear more clearly than I can see. I can never get home fast enough.
The beginning of my trek is always the easiest. I say goodbye to my coworkers and supervisors, and sometimes there are SafeWalk workers. Everyone walks to the parking lot and by the time my bike is unlocked, I’m alone.
I use a bike to get around campus because it’s easier and I can’t walk very fast. I ride north from the library, and even though it is the darkest part, the first stretch past Wubben Hall is cake. Once I am past Wubben the sidewalk opens in every direction and so does my mind.
I have walked and biked through the plaza on every path too many times to count. In the dark, things feel different. The plaza seems to have twice the paths it usually does. Anyone could come from anywhere.
I’m clearly visible as I cross the middle, and I’ve just finished going up a hill. I’ve slowed down. Not a lot, but enough that someone on foot could catch up to me. By now, I’m halfway through with my three minute ride but I’m counting every sound, and I’m anticipating every possibility.
When I do see people, I always wonder – why would they be out here at this time of night? But then again, they could ask the same of me.
The home stretch is the hardest bit. I’m not a great biker, and my aching legs and lungs are made worse by the cold and the wind. It stings my face and hands and my heart is beating in my ears.
Once inside my dorm, I can hear my breath heavy with paranoia. The person at the desk can hear it too. I move slowly to catch my breath, hoping I won’t be judged. My body regains warmth but the last thing to defrost is my ears. I collect my anxieties from the trip and pack them inside my chest until the next night.
