Question: How do [I] get a girlfriend?
Dear Hopeful and Lonely,
This is a question that’s been pondered for all of human existence. Humans are complex and so are their relationships. If I may, I’m going to make some assumptions about your intentions and correct me if I’m wrong: You want a partner, someone to share time and space with while also maybe getting some mutually beneficial nookie. Nobody says it better than the iconic drag queen RuPaul – “If you can’t love yourself then how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Have you developed enough love for yourself and empathy for others to be a good partner? If yes, then ask for someone’s phone number (not their Snap) and make a plan to meet up. Movies and coffee are a great starting point. Don’t go to an isolated place or do something super expensive because things can get weird too easily. Be yourself and you’ll eventually attract someone great.
Question: New to campus! Wanting to know a good place to study?
Dear Scenic and Studious,
The best places on campus to study depend on the vibe you’re looking for. For open-air, sunshine and chirping birds, try the third floor balcony of Dominguez Hall. It’s a beautiful view of campus and great for reading and drawing. When it’s too sunny the glare can make it hard to use screens and wi-fi can be spotty outside anywhere. Another spot is room 336 in Tomlinson Library. Here you can close the door and there’s a huge window that overlooks the big, beautiful spiral staircase. Another spot is room 200 in Houston Hall. There’s a couch, access to a balcony and it’s very quiet. The balcony off that room is beautiful during the leaf change. Our school has loads of beautiful quiet spaces for quality studying. I recommend trying out several and picking your favorite.
Question: How do I stop comparing myself to others? No cliches or “sweet nothings” please. Being at college it feels like there is always someone smarter, more athletic, more interesting or beautiful.
Dear Keeping Up with the Jones’,
This is an exercise in reframing perspectives and practicing how to be more positive. Some might say to try to focus on personal accomplishments or building confidence, however, that is definitely a cliche and a bit reductive. Instead, when you get a thought that incites jealousy or feelings of inadequacy recognize it as that. Say out loud, in your mind or write “I feel jealous,” or “That makes me feel inadequate.” The very next thing that you should do is find a way to compliment that person and then yourself. Again, say it outloud or write it down. “That person has on such a cute outfit” and then “I did so well on my exam.” Hopefully after practicing enough you’ll have tricked your brain into automatically responding with gratitude towards all beauty, intelligence or skill, including your own.
