Aries 3/21 – 4/19
Use that competitive edge to your advantage and enter into a Mario Kart or Smash Brothers tournament, especially if there’s a prize involved. If that’s not you’re style, enter a marathon without training, how hard could it be?
Taurus 4/20 – 5/20
The fleeting moments of warm sunshine are more precious than ever as it gets cold. Spend some time on a beautiful balcony basking in the warmth. Store that warmth for the winter like a lizard.
Gemini 5/21 – 6/20
People have been pissing you off more than usual. Take a step back and ask “Why?” It’s probably because your standards are so high and nobody can’t reach you. Cut them some slack and find peace.
Cancer 6/21 – 7/22
Take those trembling knees to the Hamilton Rec Center and learn how to Charleston. Nobody will be able to tell that you’re crumbling under all those emotions if you’re moving really fast.
Leo 7/23 – 8/22
Book a self-care day to primp and preen while gushing all the hot goss you’ve collected over the last week to your aesthetician. She won’t care but since you’re paying for a full set of lashes she’ll listen.
Virgo 8/23 – 9/22
You’re feeling refreshed and rejunivated after this last new moon. Ride that inertia into the next few weeks by getting a head start on gift buying. You have such good ideas, just pull the trigger!
Libra 9/23 – 10/22
The full moon during Scorpio is your last opportunity to soak up all that hot, broody and mysterious power from your fellow Scorpio friends. If used wisely, your hotness power levels will surge over 5,000.
Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21
Revive those voodoo dolls you made at the beginning of the year. The people they’re modeled after have gotten too comfortable. They need to be tickled in the middle of the night or feel a ghost pinch their butt.
Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21
Prepare for a barrage of opportunities coming your way after the passage of the new moon. Turn them all down and keep them wanting more, or accept them all and stretch yourself thin. Both will be so much fun!
Capricorn 12/22 – 1/19
It’s almost the end of 2024 so it’s time to review every financial decision you made throughout the year. The good, the bad, the ugly. You deserved that king-sized weighted blanket regardless of how expensive it was.
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Find every free magazine you can get your hands on and get into the collage scene. There’s so much possibility for your design genius to unfold and then you can sell it for money. What if you become a world famous collage artist?
Pisces 2/18 – 3/20
Join a reenacting troupe that is focused on a certain period like the Oregon Trail or the Gold Rush. Make sure to correct anyone that tries to call it cosplaying because you’re better than that.
