President John Marshall has recently started to grow at an unprecedented rate.
At first, those around Marshall did not notice the increase in height as they are used to straining their necks on a daily basis. After he was too tall for his office, people began to notice.
“Honestly, we had no clue about this until he couldn’t get into Lowell Heiny Hall at all so we are a little late into the process of solving the issue,” a student secretary for the President’s Office said.
This growth spurt seems to be adding a foot onto Marshall’s height every other day, which has made it impossible to keep track of how tall he really is. Faculty have put together many a yardstick to attempt to get an exact measurement. For now, the only reference we have is the University Center, which Marshall can now see over.
Marshall has to stay on campus due to the panic caused over him attempting to get Taco Bell as locals thought he was going to destroy the city. Accommodations are in the works and the plaza has been turned into an office so Marshall can continue working. Colorado Mesa University (CMU) is looking at this as an opportunity to attract potential students.
The marketing tactics include challenging potential students to play basketball with Marshall and offering scientific studies on how this could have happened. Press around the university has tried and failed to stop the rumor that The Caf has radioactive food that caused the sudden growth. Marshall stated that he is not a student with a meal plan and therefore does not eat there.
“One day I was walking around campus and I thought it would be really cool to get an aerial view to see all of the buildings and students walking in and out of them. This is not what I meant,” Marshall said.
Further speculations fall onto the STEM departments with some claiming that professors made a super serum and gave it to Marshall in a coffee. All professors refused to comment on the accusation, which has made them more suspicious.
No other random growths or super powers have been observed on campus, but all students and employees are encouraged to carry their own coffee mugs.
“Wait, does this mean my Campaigns class is going to be outside? I have allergies! I hope Marshall shrinks soon,” a Political Science student commented.
Marshall’s growth has discouraged students from doing anything against the rules on campus as he can now see all.
