In a shocking and, some might say, uniquely painful turn of events, Colorado Mesa University (CMU) has unveiled its latest addition to the world of club sports: Ball Buster.
This eyebrow-raising activity involves Maverick fraternity brothers taking turns hitting each other as hard as they can in the nether regions, much to the bewilderment of onlookers and the severe discomfort of participants. The announcement of this unconventional sport sent shockwaves through the campus community, with reactions ranging from disbelief to outright concern.
“I thought I’d seen it all here, but this takes the cake. I can’t wrap my head around why anyone would willingly destroy their groins like that,” said sophomore Dilbert Pickles.
The rules of Ball Buster are simple yet excruciatingly clear. Two participants face each other, one assuming the role of the “Buster” while the other is the “Bustee.” The Buster’s objective? Deliver a swift and forceful strike to the Bustee’s groin area, testing both pain tolerance and, presumably, the laws of common sense with a crowd of supporting sorority sisters cheering them on.
“Well, Ball Buster has actually been a longtime tradition here at Ligma Sugma and we’re excited to officially be designated a club sport. For generations, fraternity brothers have gone through the ultimate test of grit, discipline and brotherhood. With every busted ball is a bolstered bond between the brothers. It’s quite beautiful,” junior fraternity member Inthee Closet said.
While some may look at this game as “immature” and “stupid”, advocates insist on its ability to instill discipline, grit and further character development.
CMU officials were quick to address concerns about safety and/or liability, emphasizing that participation in Ball Buster is entirely voluntary and that protective gear, including cups and helmets, is strongly recommended. However, critics argue that no amount of padding can truly soften the blow of such a, well, sensitive sport.
“We want to encourage a diverse range of club sports on campus,” explained Dean of Extracurricular Activities Dr. Amanda Killum. “However, we also want to ensure that students are making informed choices about their participation.”
Despite the eyebrow-raising nature of Ball Buster, it has garnered a surprisingly enthusiastic following among certain circles on campus. Supporters argue that it fosters camaraderie, resilience and a unique form of personal development.
“I never thought I’d say this, but getting hit in the balls actually brought us closer together. It’s like a painful yet oddly bonding experience,” fraternity president Gil Fish said.
As the dust settles and the groans of Bustees echo across campus, one thing is for certain: Ball Buster has made its mark at CMU for better or for worse. Whether it will gain widespread acceptance or remain a niche (and painful) pursuit remains to be seen.
In the meantime, curious onlookers are advised to approach the Ball Buster club sport with caution. After all, when it comes to pushing the boundaries of campus activities, CMU isn’t afraid to take a swing, quite literally, in unexpected directions.
