We all know that consent is not just important; it is mandatory. If you don’t have clear consent from your partner, do not have sex. But consent is often more complex than just a yes or no question. And if/when you encounter a situation where you need it, here’s the breakdown on how to practice consent:
Ask before doing
It’s a sign of respect, right? You wouldn’t take something from someone without asking, you wouldn’t cut in between a group of people without saying something, so don’t make sexual advances without asking first.
And be cool about it. You don’t need to allude to anything; just be straightforward with what you’d like to do and where you hope to see things going. “’Can I […],’ ‘Would you be okay if I […],’ ‘Would you like me to […],’” are all great ways to ask. This shows that you understand sexual communication and recognize its importance.
Be checking in
During the entire sexual experience, be checking in with your partner. Before any kind of physical contact, you should be asking what they are and are not okay with. But during any kind of contact, be checking in. Say things like, “Do you like this? Do you want me to keep going? How far do you want to go?”
Communicate your consent
Do this by letting your partner know if you like what they’re doing, if you like how things feel, if you want them to keep going, etc. Also, communicate your boundaries. Let your partner know what parts of your body you’re okay with contact, and what parts are off-limit. Know your boundaries and make them clear.
Know what is not consent
Sometimes yes doesn’t mean yes. If you partner seems distracted, hesitant, unsure, reluctant, silent, and definitely if they are unresponsive, you do not have consent and you need to stop what you are doing immediately. Remember that consent is enthusiastic, it’s out loud and verbal, it’s clear. Consent should not be taken because of repeated advances and harassment, it should not be given because of pressure or manipulation.
Consent can always be retracted; at any time for any reason, and such retraction must always be honored. Know what those signs look like and follow the cues. Never pressure, manipulate or harass someone into sexual consent. And of course, remember that you do not owe anyone consent, and no one owes you consent.
While we’re not saying you need to go have a bunch of sex to practice consent, you should know these things in case you find yourself in a situation where you need to ask for consent or if someone is asking you for consent. Remember: good consent practices make sex better and safer for everyone involved. Follow these tips and remember to use protection to prevent sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies.
