Colorado Mesa University’s Mr. Mav pageant is an annual spectacle put on as a fundraiser by CMU’s athletic training department. This year, however, part of the proceeds went to the family of Ryan Texieira, a previous Mr. Mav winner and varsity baseball player who passed away earlier this year.
Though the pageant is wild, strange, and often crude, it pales in comparison to the scene backstage. Had spectators ventured behind the inflatable Maverick arch and into the hall they would have been greeted with a sight seemingly pulled out of a fever dream.
In one corner stood a guy in one piece pajamas trying to inflate a giant rubber duck, and in another sat a Chris LeDoux-style cowboy complete with bolo tie, hat and all. Two athletic training students, stressing over one contestant’s talent act, whispered to one another, “We’re going to need a tarp for this.”
Contestants, pulled from CMU’s men’s varsity and club sports, had to deliver pick-up lines to a cheerleader well out of their leagues, model a swimsuit, perform a talent, lip-sync and participate in a question and answer session with the judges.
Though the pick-up line segment required formal wear, there were an abundance of too-short jean shorts. The lines ranged from cringe-worthy (Are you a parking ticket? Because you got fine written all over you) to crude (What does an out-of-business brothel write on its door? Beat it, we’re closed).
During the swimsuit modeling, Chad Nickeson, a team-roper on the rodeo team, modeled a speedo with chaps, announcing afterwards that he “wore them because my girlfriend told me to.”
The talent show gave the audience a chance to see just how strange the athletes could get. The golf team gave an audience member apparently named Pancake an only half-enthusiastic lap dance while haphazardly hitting pots with spoons to the tune of Fergie’s “London Bridge.” Mark Farina, a wrestler, consumed a half-gallon of milk in one go and surprisingly didn’t vomit for the rest of the pageant. Most notably, Jake Mielock of the baseball team pantomimed playing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” with his member.
The athletic training students found a tarp, and for good reason: Dalton Rauer performed a lip-sync of “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” soaking himself in what looked like sparkling cider while a friend poured a whole pound of sugar on his head. Farina chose Justin Bieber’s “Baby,” doing cartwheels and coming precariously close to breaking his neck.
Dalton Rauer, with sugar still in his hair, finished fifth while Chad Nickeson finished fourth. Jake Mielock finished third, Johnny Cary finished second and Mark Farina earned the title of Mr. Mav.
