The search for a supposedly missing student has been long and tedious. Detectives have been working for over a month to find The Criterion Assistant Sports Editor Dane Campbell, but it turns out that he was never missing.
Last month during a regularly scheduled Design Day, it was revealed that Editor-in-Chief Kaydee Lucero was actually Campbell in disguise.
“It was crazy, Kaydee… I mean Dane was walking into The Criterion room with me when his…her…their? Their hair got caught when the door closed and revealed that they were wearing a wig! It was quite shocking,” Managing Editor LJ Romanek said.
When Lucero went to a conference in Washington D.C. at the beginning of the semester, she forgot to tell her professors that she would be absent. Lucero and Campbell then banded together and planned for Campbell to dress as Lucero for only a couple days.
Everything went according to plan until Campbell picked Lucero up from the airport when Campbell was still in his very convincing Lucero costume. That was over a month ago. Campbell was declared missing and there were search parties and candlelight vigils for him, but the cops eventually gave up on finding him.
“I knew it was Dane Campbell the whole time,” said local conspiracy theory expert Moal P. Pole, “I could tell something was off after hearing about the case on the news. I even started a podcast about Dane Campbell’s disappearance, called the Soup-er Missing Campbell™. I knew that the cops were wrong; only a Reddit mod of the internet detective’s Grand Junction server could solve this case.”
Pole has written many letters to the media for weeks, and the many grammar errors and suspicious symbols made it sound like more crazed rambling than an actual theory. After the cops made the announcement that Cambell had been arrested, the convict had a few words to say to the press.
“It was the power. She is a political science major and the few classes I attended changed me. Also, getting to run the newspaper was a perk too, this way I could make every section report on only sports. I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling editors and your stupid Maverick too!”
As for the actually missing Lucero, she was found alive in The Criterion’s supply closet.
