Evan, I just got in a huge fight with my parents and ran away. I hopped the fence at the airport and climbed up in the wheel well of a plane. It just took off and it’s starting to get really cold. I feel like I’m going to be up here for a while. What do I do?

I assume you’ve found a secure place to sit yourself for the duration of this flight. You should find some kind of alcove where you won’t be crushed by some moving piece of landing gear or other mechanics that you don’t know anything about.

You’re probably going to lose consciousness when that plane hits cruising altitude, so once you find your “seat,” stow your carry-on and be really grateful that you’re going to pass out in a few minutes, because temperatures up there are going to be below freezing.

In the few minutes of consciousness you have left, let’s reflect on the argument that you had with your parents. It’s obvious that they’ve made you feel somewhat victimized, so you’ve done something to make them extremely scared and sad. Good job on that front. By the time your parents know where you are, you might be dead.

Those last few minutes of consciousness before you hit cruising altitude may be your last moments of consciousness ever, so let’s reflect further on all the ways of running away from home that don’t involve embedding yourself in the exterior of an airliner.

Why not hop a train? It’s equally illegal in that you’ll have to trespass to do so. However, barring falling off or under a moving train or being mauled by train yard guard dogs, chances of death are low.

There are even less risky methods of running away that don’t involve breaking the law at all, like walking to the park or your friend’s house or hiding in that fort you built in the woods a few years back.

Of course, it’s going to be much more logical to just run away to your room, slam the door and scream into a pillow for a few minutes. Your parents just don’t get you, I know. “You’re just being hormonal.” I get it.

Climbing up the landing gear of an airplane to get your parentss attention and risk your life is probably not going to solve the initial problem here. Try talking to a counselor at your school or to your friends and their parents. Anything is better than violating federal law and stowing away on a plane.

You could just do what I did when I ran away and go to the nearest playground and cry until your parents pick you up.

ealinko@mavs.coloradomesa.edu