Managing Editor, Opinion Columnist
Evan, I’m in Vegas with the buddies for spring break. A few hours ago we all took some acid. Now, I’m on the strip, I don’t know where my friends are and I don’t have my cell phone or wallet. We’re supposed to get on the plane home tomorrow. How do I even get through security without my ID, let alone find my friends and get out of Vegas with no money? I’m freaking out.
Don’t freak out, dude. It’s not going to make anything better. You need to relax and enjoy your trip — both Vegas and the LSD.
A healthy hallucinatory experience always has an objective. So find a cocktail napkin and a hotel pen and write down your immediate goals: Find your friends. Find your stuff. Survive Vegas until you get on the plane.
To find your friends, you need to find a nice spot between all of the places your friends could be and your hotel room. So make your way back toward your hotel.
If you’re as lost as someone tripping in Vegas might be, find a desk clerk at the nearest hotel or casino and explain your situation. These people work in the mecca of being not sober. They can help, and they won’t judge you.
Take some time to enjoy the sounds and the lights of Vegas. You’re tripping in the shiniest, loudest city in the world. See what you can get yourself into by just putzing around the strip. Use your best judgment in deciding where to go, and try to have the objective of getting back to your hotel in one piece.
Once you find your way back to your own hotel, check and make sure your buddies aren’t in your room. If they aren’t, use the phone so conveniently located in the room to call them. Try calling your own phone as well. Hopefully the battery hasn’t died yet, and it’s somewhere near your wallet.
If you can’t get ahold of your friends, find somewhere close to your hotel that has pretty plants and lights and set up camp there. If you sit anywhere in your hotel long enough, someone will bring you a drink and maybe some food. Just charge it to your room.
Now your only objective is to wait for your buddies to come back to you. This could take a long time and feel even longer because you’re tripping. Just keep reminding yourself that they have to come back to the hotel eventually. They all have to catch the same plane that you do, and reality should slowly stitch itself back together as you all simultaneously come down from your trips.
If your wallet is still MIA in the morning, the TSA at the airport will let you through without a valid ID, but they will have to check state records concerning your existence and will grill you for a few minutes to ensure you aren’t a terrorist.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and that might include your phone and wallet.
ealinko@mavs.coloradomesa.edu
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