Levi Meyer
Editor-In-Chief

Photos by Clinton “Buddy” Brown

For Nathanael Joslyn, what he loves most also causes him the greatest pain.

“There are times where I can’t move my hand. It’s screaming pain,” Joslyn said. “I think, ‘If this never ends, I will kill myself because I cannot live like this for another 20 years, let alone another 20 minutes.’”

 

 

Joslyn, 50, has a passion for playing guitar, which he says has been “the number one goal” in his life. But Joslyn’s rheumatoid arthritis limits his practice time and stunts his technical abilities. After playing for a half hour in his apartment, his fingers shut down due to circulation problems in his hands.

“If I play in my room, they go numb and I’m done,” Joslyn said. “I’ll smoke a cigarette and wait for my hands to come back, but it’s boring and it interrupts the flow of the progressions I’m making.”

Even with his arthritis, Joslyn never had a problem playing for long periods of time when he lived in Atlantic City less than a year ago. With a tiny amplifier strapped to his belt, he would cruise the boardwalks, noodling on his lipstick- red electric guitar and entertaining patrons in the warm summer air for hours at a time.

After months of frustration trying to play in his apartment in Grand Junction, Joslyn plugged in his guitar and returned to the outdoors, playing original rock and roll riffs at one of Junction’s busiest intersections: 12th Street and North Avenue. Aided by the outside air, Joslyn can practice again without frustration.

“I go outside, and it elevates my metabolism. I get a nice sweat, and I don’t shut down,” Joslyn said. “I can play as long as I want.”

Joslyn has spent a lot of time on the corner, which has brought him a considerable amount of attention from the community, especially from those driving by on two of the city’s busiest streets. But he doesn’t care about the fame (or cash tips) he receives while playing.

“It wasn’t done for admiration,” Joslyn said. “It’s how you can grab people wholly for a split second. It’s where you can put a smile on their face or make them flash the rock sign. That’s the intrusion in their lives that I like, even if it’s just for a fleeting second.”

Unfortunately, Joslyn won’t be able to perform on the street forever. After a recent doctor’s visit, Joslyn found out that he has, at the most, two years until his arthritis permanently cripples his hands — two years until he has to give up his lifelong passion for good. It’s a painful realization that Joslyn has come to terms with.

“There’s very little power and control in our own lives. If my arthritis shuts me down, it’s okay,” Joslyn said. “I’ve only had one goal in life — to play guitar. I’ve had one goal, and I’ve crossed it off.”

With time running out for his playing career, Joslyn hoped to pass on 20 years worth of guitar-playing knowledge to someone. When he met CMU student Paul Richie in his apartment complex in September, Joslyn knew he’d be his apprentice. Richie, 27, expressed interest in learning to play guitar, and Joslyn convinced him to buy one and “put his money where his mouth is.”

“I got just enough of a fever for [playing guitar],” Richie said. “I started looking at guitars. I found one I absolutely loved, and I had to have it.”

Richie has been learning from Joslyn for almost six months, and he’s making slow, steady progress. It hasn’t been easy — in fact, it’s been painstaking.

“I can’t say it hasn’t been a struggle,” Richie said. “He’s trying to teach me 20 years worth of information every day.”

According to Joslyn, the most important thing Richie has learned is that music causes exhaustion, frustration and pain that hurt, much more than arthritis. Joslyn made it very clear that when playing guitar frustrates Richie, it is not the fault of the teacher — it’s the music itself.

“I told [Richie], ‘I am not the sadistic master — music is,’” Joslyn said. ‘“I’m only its representative, and it’s a sadistic [expletive removed]. It will make you cry. But don’t blame me. If you’re associating that pain with me, I will remove myself, and you will discover that that pain is available to you on your own.’”

Despite these frustrations, Joslyn sees a lot of potential in Richie.

“I’m coupled with an ignoramus with a heart of gold who has all the talent I have,” Joslyn said. “All I have is the experience. I’m just further down the road.”

The two plan to play guitar together as long as they can. But soon, Joslyn’s fingers will fail him. These are fingers that pluck the strings of his guitar and offer a glimpse, through musical expression, into his soul.

According to Joslyn, it seems extremely unfair that the world would take these fingers away from him. But even after he loses his abilities, he will take pride in the fact that he’s worked hard to reach his one and only goal so far. Ultimately, he’ll find a new goal for the future.

“It’s about the process of building,” Joslyn said. “I’ve come to terms with it. I will no longer have [learning guitar] as a challenge. So, I must offer myself a new challenge.”

Joslyn will chase new goals and will continue to give Richie advice on playing his guitar. It will be difficult for Joslyn to adapt to life without his guitar, he admits but he’ll never lose his passion for music.

“This life is brutal, but music makes it much better,” Joslyn said. “We need to give it, and we need to hear it. It’s incredibly healing.”

dlmeyer@mavs.coloradomesa.edu