Evan, I’ve been hanging out with this guy lately and I like him and I think he likes me too. The thing is, he gets drunk and does drugs every day. I like to party and all that, but I don’t want to get sucked into his lifestyle just so I can have a relationship with him.

So, you’re into self-destructive types?

This must be a pretty interesting guy, and there must be something about him you find pretty attractive behind his bloodshot eyes.

It certainly shouldn’t be a requirement that you get loaded every time you spend time together. It sounds like you have some common interests outside of substance consumption. Let those interests be a focal point of your relationship, and if you feel like partying, party with him.

Just keep your standards intact. Don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable just to make him happy or appease self-destructive aspects of his personality. If you don’t want to party, don’t party. Be honest and say you don’t feel like getting messed up every single day.

He can’t get mad at you for telling him how you feel. So if he gets angry, treats you differently or pressures you to get messed up with him all the time it probably means getting turnt is a lot more important to him than you are.

Try to avoid giving this guy an ultimatum. Making him choose between his actions and you will make him feel vilified. If you start making rules or criticizing his actions this early in a prospective relationship, he’ll just think you’re a control freak and distance himself from you pretty quickly. Back to the chaos of inebriation.

If this guy is as into you as you are to him, seeing you turn the everyday party down frequently will hopefully help him to evaluate his own habits. If he’s interested in having something with you, he will likely consider how you feel about things that he does and settle down a bit.

ealinko@mavs.coloradomesa.edu