Due to a technical hitch, there has been a recount issued for last week’s ASG elections. While the debacle is similar to Florida in 2000, it is not a case of Brian Watson acting like Bush. This is actually a serious case of voter fraud that leaves the school without a President until it can be sorted out.
“There was a glitch with MavZone that let students vote numerous times from the same account,” Student Life Director Mitch Karstens said.
This glitch led to countless fraudulent votes and would have gone unnoticed if it were not for the diligent reporting of Criterion News Editor Caleb Ferganchick.
“After hearing strange rumors, I staked out the voting booth to see if anything strange was actually happening,” Ferganchick said. “And within the first hour I saw a suspicious girl return to the booth three times. She came as a blonde first, then a brunette and lastly as a redhead.”
Ferganchick then confronted the follically-confused fraudster about her numerous trips to the voting cubicle.
“I…um…I haven’t been here before,” the flustered student said.
Then the student immediately bolted out of the side doors of the U.C.
“I was still a little puzzled at this point,” Ferganchick said.
But it did not take the reporting sleuth long to find out what was really going on and he quickly reported the dilemma to Student Life.
The mishap is now being looked into by the university I.T. department (this is where the Florida comparison comes in).
“It’s just a mess and we don’t really know where to start,” Manager of Computer Support Services Tom Watson said. “It may be mid-June or July before we get it all sorted out.”
ASG has shut down shop until the recount can be completed. No bills will be passed, no constitutions will be signed and no money will be given out.
“We are basically in a state of lawlessness,” former ASG President Telbe Storbeck said.

*Some Bull is a satire piece. Stories and quotes are not real.