Opinion Columnist
Levi Meyer
Hey, Double Team. We need to talk.
Listen — you know I love you, babe. I can’t believe all of the great times we’ve had together. You’ve been here for me through thick and thin this year, and I really appreciate it.
But I think we should call it quits.
Don’t be mad. To be honest, I’m bored with our relationship. All you want to do is “answer reader questions” and passive-aggresively insult your exes. It’s getting pretty old.
And your “jokes” aren’t funny at all.
Also, you’re completely full of yourself. You think you have all the answers, but you don’t. You can be pretty rude, too.
I know we’ve developed a strong professional relationship, and I’m very grateful for that. But I can’t take your love advice seriously anymore.
In fact, I don’t think people should be giving love advice at all.
It’s time for you to follow your heart, Dubs. Forget the rules, expectations and “common knowledge.” It’s time to run blindly into the dating world, take some risks and make some mistakes. We can screw up all we want and have a bunch of fun in the process.
We’re holding each other back, Double Team. Let’s disregard the endless pile of love advice and put ourselves out there.
Soon enough, we’ll find partners that make us truly happy. We’re both great, and we shouldn’t settle for anything less than the best. It might be hard to find “the best.” but we’ll never be content until we do.
This is goodbye, DT. I’m gonna miss those Saturday nights (and Sunday mornings) we spent together – but it’s for the best.
Here’s to finding happiness. I hope we never stop searching for it.
Alyssa Chambers
My dearest Double Team, it’s time to lay our love affair to rest.
It’s been fun keeping this relationship as our dirty little secret, but we got sloppy, and my boyfriend found some of our columns. Needless to say, he’s not happy. It’s probably because he saw the column where we compared him to Nicholas Sparks. Regardless, we have to break it off.
Please don’t take it personally or try to read too far into the situation. I know how you over-analyze everything. I have been very honest with you from day one when I told you that this was only a temporary column in hopes to add a little spice to the Opinions section. And while I had a lot of fun, I feel a little unappreciated. I work two part-time jobs, I’m taking six classes this semester and I coach a high school cheer team. Then, I walk into the Crite office on Sunday morning, exhausted from a long week, and you don’t even notice that I’ve curled my hair and done my make–up. No “how was your week?” or “do you need anything?” Instead, you immediately demand a column from me.
Let me ask you something, Double Team. What have you ever done for me? I give and give, and you’ve never once returned the favor. Not to mention, Levi always finishes before me, and you guys completely leave me hanging.
It was fun and exciting at first, but the honeymoon stage is over, and it’s time for me to start focusing on my career as a serious journalist. Plus, an office relationship isn’t very professional. The other sections will start to talk.
Thanks for understanding and for a solid year of double-teaming.
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