Dear Levi,
For my whole life, I’ve been taught that being a jerk is the way to a woman’s heart. It’s worked well with some girls. But now, I’m trying to find a good girl (for once) and the good girls don’t like it. They think I’m a jerk, but I’m a really good guy. Help!
Sincerely,
A Good Guy
Dear Good Guy,
You’re drunk.
You took one sip of the jerk juice, and now you’re drunk with power. You can’t get enough of being a jerk because it works so well with a lot of women (who aren’t good girls).
Now, you ask me for help, and I’m more wasted than you are. If you’re drunk, I’m a functioning alcoholic. I’m very experienced at being a jerk to women — and I’m not proud of it.
But I haven’t always been this way. I’m a good guy, and my mom raised me right. Unfortunately, she’s the only woman on this earth that can make me behave.
So how does a jerkaholic convince the good girls that he’s a good guy?
He must stop acting like a jerk.
Good guys who act like jerks have too much pride — it’s a man’s best defense mechanism. Good guys get friend-zoned, used and walked on, and we’re all a little bitter because of it. So we use pride to defend our battered hearts from being hurt even more. It’s an act, and good girls see through it.
To land a good girl, set down the jerk juice and pick up a fat slice of humble pie. That means you have to ditch the arrogant bravado and just be yourself. Trade in the bitterness and fear for honesty and humility. It’s not easy, but it’s part of healing and growing up.
Until then, we’re going to struggle with the jerk juice. After all, you can’t quit being a jerk cold-turkey. Find some peace by letting go of the past, and go get the good girl that your real, humble self deserves.
Dear Alyssa
My boyfriend and I used to be really sexual but lately we hardly ever show physical affection. Does this mean he’s not attracted to me anymore?
Sincerely,
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Oh, the joys of the honeymoon phase, when the physical chemistry is electrifying and a couple can’t seem to keep their hands off each other. We’ve all been there. It’s an amazing and inspiring point in every relationship, but unfortunately, it doesn’t last forever. Eventually, it becomes quite evident that your boyfriend isn’t Ryan Gosling. Every day isn’t going to be knee weakening, kissing in the rain actually isn’t fun at all and morning sex is complicated by morning breath.
As reality sets in, these realizations can sometimes take a toll on your attraction to your partner or on your sex drive as a whole. This is normal. Every relationship goes through slumps. What’s more important is how you handle those phases.
If you feel like your sex life with your boyfriend has been less than spectacular, take initiative. It’s easy to interpret this decline in affection as a result of your boyfriend losing attraction to you, but this is more than likely not the case.
Instead of feeling bad about yourself and assuming you’re not good enough, be bold. Surprise him by taking control of the situation, excite him by trying something new and fun. This sudden confidence will amaze him and attract him even more, because women who are confident and not afraid to be bold are the sexiest.
Not to mention that, by showing him how attracted you still are to him, you’ll be setting the tone for the relationship. Lead by example, and he will surely follow.
It’s a hard-hitting reality when you exit the honeymoon stage. Just remember that this is normal. Don’t take it personally. Overanalyzing this change in pace could lead to you feeling insecure, and that’s only going to make your relationship more complicated.
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