Opinion Columnist
Dear Alyssa,
My boyfriend of three years and I just broke up. My friends keep telling me to move on, but I’m devastated and can’t forget him. What’s your method to mending a broken heart?
Sincerely, Broken-hearted girl
Dear Broken-hearted girl,
A broken heart can be mind-numbing and physically crippling, especially when you’ve lost someone who has been such a great part of your life for three years. Feelings are hurt, loneliness, regret and “what-ifs” flood your mind and the temptation to lie in bed all day, avoiding the light of day, grows strong. From a dark room where you’re wallowing in your depression and the same clothes you wore yesterday, you decide to write your campus love column asking for the magic words that will heal your heartbreak. And, as always, she responds with witty and borderline bitchy advisement: pull yourself together.
I can only imagine your heartache during this time. There’s no easy way to end a three-year relationship, and you’re within your rights to allow it to affect you. Reflect on the relationship, remember the good times and the bad and embrace the fact that it happened in the first place. But recognize, now, that it’s in the past and that you can’t allow the past to withhold you from your future. You’ve spent the past three years of your life with someone, and now they are no longer there, so focus on yourself now.
Your friends will try to convince you to go out drinking, meet other guys and to get over someone by getting under someone else. This seems like a good idea to most, until they realize that drinking makes any situation worse and that being promiscuous can only make you feel better in the short term. When you lay in bed by yourself at night, you’ll feel even lower than before. Instead of forcing yourself to get over things, recognize that you’re not, respect your own feelings and try to make yourself feel better in your own way. Do things that make you happy, surround yourself with people who care about you and who you enjoy being around, remind yourself what it’s like to be an independent and strong woman. It will take time, but you will be okay and you’ll smile again soon.
Dear Levi,
I’m a fortunate man. I’m hooking up with two girls at the same time. Not like a threesome, but at the same time. But I have developed deeper feelings for one of the girls, and would like to take things farther. Do I continue with my epic escapades or settle for monogamy?
Sincerely, Satisfied
Dear Satisfied,
Well done, my friend. Not all men can have their cake and eat it, too.
But it appears you have a little too much frosting and sprinkles than your giblets can handle. I know, cake is awesome. Men can’t get enough of it. But too much cake can make a mess.
You’re in a difficult situation because you must decide between potential love and guaranteed fun. On one hand, you have two girls who want some sweet love knocking on your door. On the other hand, you have found a girl that you may want to start something meaningful with.
It all depends on how your potential lover feels about you. If she wants a relationship like you do, then you better tell the other girl to hit the road. Let her down nicely, but don’t sugar-coat the situation. It wouldn’t be fair to your new flame to have another girl on the side. You could still have your cake and eat it, too, but it wouldn’t be right. Sometimes you must realize the cake you have is more than enough.
But if this girl doesn’t want a relationship, feel free to gorge yourself on all the cake you can handle. It’s a miracle to have two girls who are into you for purely physical reasons. Take advantage of this incredibly rare gift and chow down on that cake until there isn’t an ounce of frosting left.
Be aware of the consequences, though. Hooking up with two girls isn’t a piece of cake. If either of these girls find out that you’re a total cake-whore, then you’ll be left without any cake at all. Use a sprinkle of caution when proceeding with these two women.
I wish you the best of luck with your appetizing adventures. Whatever happens, make the best of the situation and enjoy the tasty treat(s) handed to you. No matter the outcome, having a good time takes the cake.
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