Alyssa Chambers aachambe@mavs.coloradomesa.edu
Dear Alyssa,
What does it mean if a boy says he’s not ready for a relationship?
Sincerely, “Girl who might be ready.”
Dear “Girl who might be ready,”
Unfortunately, there is no nice way to answer this question. If a guy tells you that he’s not ready for a relationship, it means he doesn’t want to date you. . .now or ever. Too many women fall for this line. The second a man utters the cliché phrase, women melt into a puddle of self-criticism and over-analysis. It becomes “What’s wrong with me?” and “The poor thing, his ex must have really hurt him. He needs my support.” Wake up ladies, this isn’t a sensitive gesture proving how seriously your man takes commitment. It means he’s content with what he’s getting from you already, and, as a plus, he’s technically single, so he can continue pursuing other girls at the same time. Why would he ruin that by slapping a title on things?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure he seems totally into you. Let me guess, he texts you at night, asks you to hang out, you’re both flirtatious and may have even started to be physical with each other. Things seem great. But for someone who is hoping for a relationship, you’re spiraling into a hopeless pit of disappointment. To be quite blunt, if he’s exhibiting all of these signs and is still resistant to having a relationship with you, then the idea of being with you just isn’t appealing enough to him.
Guys want a girl that they can’t resist, someone who is exciting, sexy, smart, well-humored, and presentable. And, usually, that attraction and desire is so powerful that they’re excited to start a relationship with her. If your man isn’t showing excitement to be with you or about the idea of being with you in due time, it’s a red flag. Get over him and move on with yourself. Don’t be pathetic about it, dwelling on the why’s. Be strong and leave him hanging. Besides, guys always enjoy a chase, but that’s for another week.
Levi Meyer dlmeyer@mavs.coloradomesa.edu
Dear Levi,
I’ve never been in a serious relationship before and something personal happened to me where I have difficulty trusting anyone. Plus I get hit on by a bunch of creepers. What should I do?
Sincerely, “Confused”
Dear “Confused,”
Let’s start by focusing on the positives. If creepers hit on you, then you must be friendly. Guys are comfortable approaching you, which is a good sign.
Also, you must be attractive. People hit on you for a reason, right? Being friendly and attractive is half of the battle, so it could be worse.
However, it’s important to use your pleasant disposition and striking looks in your favor. If you’re surrounded by creeps all the time, then you should make a change that will allow you to meet different kinds of guys.
Sit by new people in class or go to a new place for lunch. A change of scenery is the best way to meet new people. And the only way to find the good guys is to weed out the bad guys. It’s a trial-by-error experiment that becomes easier over time.
As for having trust issues, you are not the only one. It’s easy to get hurt in a relationship because of the stakes involved. But you have to remember that, although love can sting, it can also heal.
Every time you date someone, there is a possibility that you will get hurt. However, it’s a risk worth taking because the reward is so valuable. Once you find a guy that will treat you right, you will learn to trust again. It’s because he will earn your trust. That’s a powerful, healing human connection.
I encourage you to put trust issues aside and take the leap into dating. Let your friendliness and attractiveness do the work, and wait until you find a guy that’s worth your time. If you get hurt in a relationship, learn from it.
Once you find the perfect man, make him earn your trust, and enjoy having a special friend that you can open up to. Then all your wounds shall be healed.
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