Okay, I’ll review Taylor Swift’s new album, but I’m just going to give my impressions for a few of the more popular songs as I listen to them and then slap a star rating on it. Don’t get mad at me if I think it’s a pile of excrement.

Track 2: “Red” – Ooh, interesting, a title that implies sexuality. Could Ms. Swift be venturing to more mature realms of poetic lyricism? Is she going to expand as an artist and risk alienating her status to become more daring, self-expressive and realistic? Could she possibly be – oh wait… more adolescent schoolgirl scribblings about her favorite “L” word? (Hint: It’s not “lesbians.”) Right. Got it.

Track 4: “I Knew You Were Trouble” – Alright, these songs are certainly poppier than others I’ve heard from her. Not a terrible thing, but it certainly takes away from whatever superficial emotions she attempted to instill in her past songs. But hey, now it’s relatable and danceable.

Track 6: “22” – Oh good, a nice acoustic guitar with a bit of twang to it. It’s a bit more intimate and stripped down – oh God, why is she singing like Ke$ha? Wait, what were those lyrics? “It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters. And make fun of our exes, uh uh uh uh.” Yes. Poetry to my ears. Here comes the chorus. I guess we’re just drop-kicking that whole intimate and stripped down vibe in the face. Awesome. Hold on, go back to the lyrics again: “You look like bad news. I gotta have you, I gotta have you.” Ms. Swift, didn’t you just get done singing a song about the hurt you endured because you knew some guy was trouble? Haven’t you learned anything?

Track 8: “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” – I’m getting really tired of these same pop songs. It was fine when it sounded somewhat fresh, but she took it too far, and it’s stale now, though I must point out a particular line, which she sings in a sarcastic tone of voice. “And you will hide away and find your piece of mind with some indie record that’s much cooler than mine.” It is relatable, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do as soon as I get done listening to this album.

Alright, just so I know, how many more songs on here are about guys? Let’s see. . . oh good. All of them.

I can’t do this anymore. I tried, I really tried, to have an open mind and to not go in hating this album, but the more I listen to it, the more sick to my stomach I get. Her lyrics are so egocentric it’s disgusting. She has absolutely no interest in addressing her own flaws or mistakes, instead blaming the guy entirely and then sings all about her misfortunes due to her immaturity.

As for the music on an instrumental level, it’s more dance oriented, like all other pop these days. Some of you will like that, some of you won’t, but it’s pretty much the same stuff she’s been doing since her first album. It makes her gobs of money, so good for her.

My biggest problem with Ms. Swift has always been the fact that she writes music for 14-year-old girls and nobody else. This prevents her from growing up both as a person and as a musician, and in turn, makes her unable to perform music as an art form in any way.