Managing Editor, Opinion Columnist
Levi Meyer
dlmeyer@mavs.coloradomesa.edu
Men are like pirates.
Each pirate has a vessel with a mind of its own. They will risk life and limb, battling heartless seafarers and braving colossal storms. Pirates are bound to the sea by choice, craving tomfoolery and adventure.
But in the end, all a pirate wants is some booty.
Any man can find an attractive woman who’s down for an adventure. However, many lack the confidence to impress that special lady between the sheets. Avast, there are several ways to build the confidence needed to shiver her timbers.
First of all, make sure that your ship is shipshape. Grooming is the simplest way to improve appearance and gain confidence. If you smell like the poop deck and look like Blackbeard, you may need to do some maintenance before you journey into unknown waters. Scent can be a powerful aphrodisiac, and basic care for your skin, teeth and hair can turn any landlubber into a captain of swag. Also, keep body hair under control. Unwanted body hair tends to spread like barnacles, so inspect every part of your schooner (including the mast) to ensure neatness and cleanliness.
Exercising is crucial to gaining confidence in the bedroom as well. Daily exercise improves appearance and boosts mood, two properties that exude confidence. Your ship doesn’t have to look as majestic as the Black Pearl – a little upkeep will make sure your ship is ready to set sail.
When it’s time to dig for buried treasure, don’t panic. It’s natural to feel nervous. But if you let nerves take control, you may end up with no booty at all. Focus on all of your positive traits, and remind yourself that finding treasure is supposed to be fun. You may not have the largest vessel, and you may not have as much swagger as Jack Sparrow. That’s fine. You’ll have a good time, and you’ll sure as hell rock the boat.
Treasure is awesome. Take a deep breath, smile and enjoy the smooth sailing.
Alyssa Chambers
aachambe@mavs.coloradomesa.edu
Modern day women are taking society by storm. They are independent, driven and full of confidence. But it seems once the bedroom door is closed, the lights dimmed, and the Marvin Gaye comes on, that confident woman transforms into a basket case of worry and insecurities.
My theory is that modern women are far too critical of themselves, especially in regards to their bodies. It’s impossible to secrete a sense of confidence and sex appeal when you’re silently cataloging every imperfection of your nakedness. Embrace the aspects of your body that you like, buy lingerie that you feel sexy in and that accentuates those very parts.
If there is a part of your body that you’re truly unhappy with, fix it. If you’re self conscious of your stomach, hit the gym and do some abs. Avoiding doggy style because your worried there’s a bit too much “cushion for the pushin?” Cut down on your carb intake, go for a run followed by a few wall sits. The better you feel about yourself, the better quality of intimacy you’ll achieve.
Levi is completely right in his comparison men to pirates. I would agree and further solidify his statement with the fact that most men need a detailed picture map to get to the “hidden treasure.” And ladies, there’s no such thing as bad treasure. Your pirate will be so pleased with himself simply for finding the treasure that he won’t care if it’s silver or gold.
So ladies, turn on the lights, slip into some red stilettos and meet your man on the kitchen counter with a sense of confidence and playfulness. Intimacy should be fun. Don’t hesitate to laugh and try new things, knowing that you’re his beautiful treasure. Oh, and don’t stress about that look of discomfort and struggle consuming your pirates face, he’s not displeased with you. It’s most likely concerning his stamina, trying not to blow all the booty at once.
Safe and smooth sailing ladies.
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