You never know how painful snowboarding can be until you hit a tree at 25 miles an hour.

Friday was my first day on a snowboard, and I spent most of my time bruising my butt and eating snow. But within a few hours, I was cruising down mountains with just enough control and speed to avoid severe injury.

Then I hit a jump.

In a split second, I completely lost control of my board, careening feet-first into a tree. I went from 25 miles per hour to a standstill in less than a second. It was one of those moments painful enough to make my knees buckle and send pain throughout my entire body. I screamed and swore loudly, right as a ski class of children passed by.

“Watch it, bro,” the ski instructor exclaimed. “There are kiddos over here.”

“I think I’m dying,” I responded. “I just b*tch-slapped a tree at 100 miles an hour. I’ll swear as much as I want – bro.”

Even though I was in intense pain, I suddenly realized that I had no fear on the mountain anymore. Once a boarder escapes what temporarily seems like certain death, he becomes a fearless creature with a need for speed and a lack of care for the fate of his body. Most people call it scary, but I call it incredible.

For those who have never experienced the wonders of winter sports, it’s time to hit the slopes. Although the first day of boarding will leave many with sore ankles, wrists, and rears, the thrill of those first few seconds of successful shredding will turn fledglings into addicts.

As for the X-Games, my photographer and I found a spot five feet from the edge of the gargantuan Superpipe for the women’s Superpipe final. For those who aren’t familiar with the Superpipe, it’s a 35 foot tall halfpipe of pure ice that runs down a hill at nearly a 45 degree angle. Most people would be afraid to stand inside it, but these athletes fly through it at breakneck speeds like clockwork. Most people sit at desks for their jobs, but these people cheat death by gliding around in solid sheets of ice and soaring through the air.

Once X-Games legend Gretchen Bleiler started her first run, the crowd exploded into a loud, drunken frenzy. Blelier flew down the halfpipe, landing trick after trick. At the end of her run, Blelier soared towards us and launched herself into the air. An X-Games legend was at least 30 feet directly above me, twirling in the air. In the heat of the moment, I became untactful and rowdy.

“Gretchen, will you marry me?” I shouted.

If true love existed, it was flying right above my head. Gretchen was a little busy fighting for an X-Games medal, so I’m not sure if she heard me. Boy, I hope she did.