We all know of the balance of the yin yang. Or if not, we’ve heard the saying, “What goes up, must come down.” In our culture, we seem to agree that every good side has a bad side. If this is true, why are we constantly surrounded by self-help books that give us a quick fix recipe to make us happy? Or why is it that every time I turn on the TV I’m watching someone tell me there’s something wrong with me if I’m not 100 percent happy 100 percent of the time?
This got me thinking about what the word happy really means and whether or not money can buy happiness. I still don’t understand why we have to be “good” and “happy” all the time. When someone asks me how I’m doing, I feel obligated to say “good,” even when I’m not. How many people would I scare away if I was to be totally honest and say, “You know… I’m having a pretty crappy day, and here’s why… ”
Along with sad, angry, nervous, excited or the other hundreds of feelings we can process in a single day, happiness is also a feeling. It comes and goes like others. Don’t get me wrong, when those negative emotions come around in my day, I would prefer to be happy. But, how would I know what happiness is if I had never experienced the sadness as well?
The days that I find myself ignoring the bad stuff (thinking that it’s not okay to feel it) are the days that end up being the worst. All that negativity gets pushed in the back of my head and piles up in layers on top of layers, and finally comes out in an abrupt and even more negative way.   I don’t think I’m the only person who does this.
Maybe it’s just hard for us, as humans, to work through all the bad stuff. It’s hard to find people we can trust to understand or help us through it.
A few days ago, at work, a guest was incredibly rude to me. When my co-worker noticed my changed attitude, she asked what was wrong, and without thinking, I replied, “I’m fine.” I wasn’t fine. It was okay to not be fine in that situation. I went back and told her my story. She surprised me with her kindness and response with wanting to help in the situation, and I was happy again.
I’m not saying that we should dwell on things that make us unhappy, or not do anything to change them. Life consists of good things as well as bad things, and maybe by confronting and working through the bad, we can find the good more often. Through the comfort I needed, I also found a friend. It may seem like a simple thing, but it’s something that takes conscious effort for me everyday.
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mpeters@mavs.coloradomesa.edu