Dear Anthony,
I am having a hard time finding a boyfriend because I am really tall. I am taller than most guys who pursue me, and it doesn’t seem like there are very many guys in the 6 foot 3 and up range to pick from. Will I ever find a boyfriend with bigger feet than mine? If so, where do I find him?
Sincerely, Six foot tall in heels

Dear Six foot tall in heels,
I have one word that will solve all your problems: athletes. Better yet, superstar athletes. You have to be tall in order to succeed in sports, especially basketball. So head over to Brownson Arena to catch the games, then afterwards, stay until they’ve changed and spit your game. Athletes love attention from the ladies.

Dear Anthony,
It’s the best time of the year, Halloween. This year is more special because I’m spending it with my boyfriend. The only problem is I’m not sure what I should dress up as. Should we dress up as a couple? If so, what should we be?
Sincerely, It’s a couple thing

Dear It’s a couple thing,
I know girls really enjoy dressing up with their boyfriends, but it is so embarrassing for us to go out in public like that. It might seem cute, but in reality it’s pretty lame. As far as I’m concerned, a slutty witch is still a good choice for the ladies. Let him do his thing and you do yours. It’s a fun night for everyone.

Dear Anthony,
I love the fact that my boyfriend treats me like a princess and buys me anything I want. He is a really sweet guy. Why don’t guys ever let the girls pay for the tab?
Sincerely, Miss Wallet

Dear Miss Wallet,
A guy paying for everything is a sign of masculinity and dominance. For some strange reason, most guys have to feel that way about the relationship they are in. It would be great to save a few bucks by allowing the girl to pay, but we just feel like that would degrade us as men. If you are with a guy who asks you to pay a lot of the times, he isn’t worth your time.

Dear Anthony,
If a girl jokes about having chladmydia, how fast can I kick her out of bed?
Sincerely, Not Going There

Dear Not Going There,
As soon as that final syllable has left her mouth, she better be pushed out of that bed and headed out the door. STDs are nothing to joke about. You have to watch out for your “property” before anything else. Don’t forget, if it looks like mold, tell her to hit the road.