Graduation is right around the corner, which means another group of students is ready to enter the real world and leave Mesa State. A congratulations is definitely in order. But the graduating class isn’t the only one who deserves congrats. Many people deserve recognition for baffling the sports world.

Obscure Statistics: Did you know that a Colorado Rockies pitcher is 4-30 in April, when it is raining, and a hitter dings the light pole? But if a ball does not hit the light pole, the pitcher is 7-30. OK, that’s not a real statistic, but I’m sure there is some statistic that is close to it. No matter what broadcast you watch for any sport, the announcer usually finds some stat to predict what will happen. It’s like playing the game of who can find the weirdest statistic to describe the situation. In reality, there is only one statistic that matters, and that’s the win-loss record. So congratulations to you, Mr. Statistician. You find the most obscure stats in the world that don’t matter in a game.

Nascar: It bugs me when people call Nascar a real sport. I disagree. Why would driving in a circle 500 times be a sport? I can drive in a circle anytime I want. Navigating a parking spot in the parking garage is more competitive than a Nascar race.

Nothing is exciting about watching cars drive around. If I’m going to watch sports, I want something where people display a skill to help achieve something, not a bunch of drivers being cheered on by rednecks. So congratulations, Mr. Nascar fan. You win the honor of cheering for a ridiculous sport.

The wave: If I never participate in a wave at a sporting event again, I’ll be happy. I don’t understand the point. It’s cool to get the whole stadium to participate in a cheer, but is this the best we could come up with? First of all, fans always seem to start the wave when the game is on the line. If I was trying to throw a game-winning touchdown pass, the last thing I’d want to see is the fans throwing their hands in the air and yelling. It’s distracting. Second, it seems that every time I go to a Rockies game, I get stuck in the section with the doofus trying to start the wave. Endless attempts at getting 20 people to care about the wave never seem to pay off. It’s really hard to watch the game when some guy is yelling at you to stand up and participate. So congratulations, Mr. Wave-Starter. You managed to annoy every other fan in the stadium.

Fair-weather fans: I know a person who has had about 10 different favorite baseball teams in the past two years. First, it was the Yankees. Then they started cheering for the Rockies, then the Phillies, then the Twins, and finally ended up whipping out a Giants’ shirt. Coincidentally, that was in late October, just as the Giants started playing in the World Series.

I asked him who was his favorite player on the Giants, and he replied “the guy with the beard.” If that answer doesn’t scream fair-weather fan, I don’t know what does. Fair-weather fans always seem to act the same. First, they always claim they’ve been a fan of this team forever. They have only the newest team gear. There’s nothing wrong with cheering for the Oklahoma City Thunder, but next year when the Thunder tip off, don’t drop them because they start losing. Stick by them. That’s what real fans do. So congratulations to you, Mr. Fair-Weather fan. You have more loyalty than a used car salesman.

hrrutt@mesastate.edu