Vanessa Gross

As a mother, I have always tried to encourage my children to be themselves and be open-minded. Lately though, with the way society has been reacting  to young people doing just that, it makes me sad and angry that my kids may not be able to do so.

The recent reports of suicides among kids for being different are troublesome. Grieving parents tell stories that their children were bullied at school for being gay or unpopular is disturbing. They were unable to tolerate the non-stop intrusion into their lives for not being what others thought they should be.

Recently, I enrolled my four year-old son in dance classes: in ballet, hip-hop and tap. As I was watching my son participate at his first ballet lesson, I noticed that he was the only boy. Another mother standing next to me, who I have never met before, also noticed.

While we were watching the class practice, we exchanged small talk about the dance classes. She pointed out her little girl and I said the boy was mine. What came out of her mouth next took me completely by surprise.

“Isn’t his dad upset? He’s okay with your son in ballet?” she said.

“Uh, he’s fine with it,” I said somewhat surprised since she doesn’t even know my husband.

“Well, it’s not like he’ll walk out wanting to wear a tutu and stuff. You know they are born like that- a dance class won’t make him that way. You know— gay,” she said curtly.

What? Did she say what I thought she said? She did. And I was speechless. I just looked at her and hit replay in my mind of what she had said to me. With words like ‘they’, ‘born like that’ and ‘make him that way’, I was offended. What the hell?

I was offended that this woman assumed that my husband was narrow-minded enough to not be cool about our son being in the ballet class, but what if my son was gay? What if he did walk out wearing a tutu? Alek is four years-old, and already he has someone making assumptions and comments that shouldn’t matter, but as a mother they somehow did. It did because I want him to have fun learning new things without someone saying something to him that would make him doubt himself.

But this is the world I am raising my kids in. To know that the possibility of my son wanting to continue with ballet, we will have to defend his decision is absurd. I want my kids to try many things and then let them choose a few things they really love doing. If he wants to do dance and play football, then I want him to. In addition to teaching him how to read and tie his shoes, I have to teach him about prejudice.

I thought that by leading by example with tolerance and acceptance and growing up in a multi-cultural family I would not have to discuss certain topics. But even though this is 2010, some things will always have to be discussed.

To know that they feel like the only choice they have to commit suicide because they can’t be themselves is disheartening to me. Why can’t someone do what they want without others interjecting their views to the point of bullying? If a person doesn’t agree with how or what someone is doing then just walk away.

Being able to express who you are and try new things is all apart of growing up, and I hope that my kids and other parents kids will be able to do that without worrying about whether or not the rest of the world agrees.