Greg Morgan
The Out Voice

How many people actually think about the origins of their sexuality? Most people never even question it, but most gay people do. I know that I struggled with it a lot. I was raised Lutheran and went to private Lutheran school K-8. I had religion class practically every day, Chapel every Wednesday, and was made to memorize countless Bible verses, creeds, commandments, and long explanations of the like weekly for a grade. I can recall standing in Chapel singing a hymn and catching myself checking out one of my male classmates in the row in front of me. I can also remember wanting a girlfriend because everyone else had one and at the same time not really seeing the appeal  of the scenario.
Truth be told, I have never honestly been attracted to women and it took four girlfriends and making out with a girl at my freshmen homecoming who went by the name “Eskimo” to realize it. Discovering your sexual identity and coming to terms with it are two entirely different things. I accepted my sexuality when I was 14 and then it took three years to come to terms with it. I couldn’t even say it out loud at first.
Now that you have a taste of what it’s like to be gay, and this is only a taste, I want you to think about your first crush. What attracted you to that person? What about them did you like?  Did you choose that person based on their gender? My first crush was in kindergarten and we used to play superman and he always saved me from the bad guy. I didn’t know it was a crush at the time but it definitely was. We even kissed. I didn’t know what those feelings were all I knew is that they existed.
Which is exactly why I don’t understand how anyone can assume homosexuality is a choice. Do you honestly believe I woke up one day and decided to be attracted to the opposite sex? I had one girl tell me in high school that she was straight because that’s how she was raised. That’s ridiculous! My dad is a conservative republican from a small town and I’m pretty sure he did not raise his only son to be gay.
My main question is why would anyone choose that? Who would choose to be isolated and ridiculed? The answer is no one. No one would willfully choose to put themselves in that type of situation. It would be like jumping into a shark tank with a fresh paper cut. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying I am ashamed of who I am. I am proud and happy as a gay man, but it took me a long time to reach that point. After high school, I decided I wanted to help anyone I could so they did not have to go through what I went through alone. It’s a big part of the reason I’m writing this. At my lowest low, I honestly believed it would have been better for me not to have been born than to be gay. No one should ever feel that way.
My response to those people who insist homosexuality is a choice is this: How dare you? How dare you even think that when you know absolutely nothing about what it means to be gay. That’s called ignorance. It’s because of people like you that many gay teens never learn to cope and end their lives. At the end of the day the words of one very wise man sum it all up for me, “Those who matter don’t mind; and those who mind don’t matter,” Dr. Suess.

gmorgan@mesastate.edu