You Won’t Be-Leaf what the Caf Did

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The Caf has recently made a life-altering change: all food served will be vegan-friendly. 

After efforts from the population of vegan and vegetarian students, the university decided to take the step toward plant-based meals. However, some students say the school has taken it too far.

“They’re literally just serving what the grounds crew cleans up. Colorado Mesa University (CMU) is not listening to students or being environmentally friendly, they are being cheap and malicious,” student Robyn Banks said. 

Some items featured on the new menu will include leaf litter with soil toppings, grass clippings with dead flower petals, and whole shrubs. The cooks got creative with dessert, by going out and clipping budding trees themselves. 

“The university has students’ best interests in mind and we wanted to reflect that through this change. Plus, this food will last longer and leftovers will be used as mulch to grow new plants around campus,” a CMU spokesperson said. 

The change to campus food services is undeniably good for the environment, but those against it say that this point is moot since students will literally starve. One student even claims that the school is trying to poison them. Rick O’Shea stated that CMU wants students to die so that there is space in the dorms and parking lots for new freshmen.

Parents have made their own points in the debate, with many siding with CMU’s decision. Some have said that they are concerned for their children’s health and that this will fix prominent issues in young people’s diets. 

“I think this will be good for my son, Bobby. He eats too much meat since moving away, so it’s nice to know the school I am paying millions to is looking out for our babies,” Iona Furcoat said. 

Bobby responded directly to his mother’s statement with his own story. 

“Honestly, I think she just doesn’t want me to come home. My mom is not vegan or vegetarian, so her concerns don’t make much sense,” he said.

Despite conflicting arguments, CMU will continue to move forward with their vegan menu, which they plan on having indefinitely (except when potential students are touring).