My first roommate was a senior when she asked me how to mail a rent check. She also burned our cutting board on the stove, and routinely set off the fire alarms cooking. Dishes were not a thing she considered doing. But, how do you treat someone who is nearing graduation from college, but can’t seem to perform basic adult tasks?
Here are some tips for all of you who are roommates or friends with someone who is failing at adulting:
Share some easy recipes (or Easy Mac).
It’s my firm belief that everyone in college should at least be able to make an edible version of the following stapes: pasta, rice, potatoes and chicken. None of these “dishes” are difficult, and all come with even easier pre-packaged versions.
Don’t cook for your friend too much if you don’t want to start cooking for them every night. Instead, give them some quick tips on how to make what you’re making when they emerge from their bedroom talking about how good your dinner smells when an empty bowl in hand.
If they still can’t manage, get some Easy Mac. Everyone—even drunk freshmen—can make Easy Mac.
Keep snacks on hand.
Always have that box of fruit snacks or Cheerios ready because you never know when your child…I mean, roommate…might get hangry. Reasoning with a hangry friend is never a pleasant experience.
No more than three playdates a week.
Have your roommate stick to the rule of three—three times they can have a friend over or visit one of theirs. Try to equalize homework time and playtime so that when Sunday comes, it’s not a homework marathon until midnight just to finish up everything for the coming week.
Chore charts, gold stars and positive reinforcement.
Take it back to first grade and make a chart of who does dishes, vacuuming, bathroom cleaning, etc. each week and stick to it. Get some of those tacky gold star stickers and put them by your friend’s name when they actually do their chores. Ten gold stars equals one prize from the prize bin. It worked when you were seven, right?
Make a chore chart instead of making passive aggressive comments. Chore charts can save friendships.
Encourage naptime.
A little power nap is good for their health and might give them the energy they need to get up and power through their homework or an afternoon workout. Be careful, however. Naptime refers to a 45 minute or less period of time.
Hours lazing in bed on a Tuesday while doing nothing productive will only add to the problem. Set an alarm, make a commotion in the kitchen, play your music too loud. Remind them it’s time to be productive, just like your parents did for you.
Let them fail.
But seriously.
Help a little bit, but not too much. You’re not here to be someone’s parent, so don’t be. If your friend stays out drinking so late they miss work, that’s not your problem. If your roommate forgets to pay the internet bill that’s listed under their name, let them (it’s a very small inconvenience to get it turned back on after too many missed payments, and is worth them learning from the late fee.)
As a friend, be a sympathetic ear. Just don’t get too involved in the problems that come with not growing up when many of them aren’t even affecting you.
