Before leaving for Canada, all of us international students get some training/information before leaving to study abroad. No matter how prepared you think you are to move to a different country, there will always be things not covered by the information available online. This makes the actual experience of studying abroad that much more valuable but can sometimes lead to some bad interactions.
One example was brought up in our training- about a foreign student who had hooked up with someone from Colorado Mesa University. I don’t think we went into much detail about what hooking up meant exactly (in the States it typically means sex, but here in Canada it only means making out), but the foreign exchange student was shocked to realize it’s kind of customary to continue seeing someone you hook up with.
In his country, hooking up was casual and there was no expectation to continue with a relationship, so he “ghosted” his date without so much as a second thought. Say what you want about dating culture nowadays, but I think that’s still the expectation: if you hook up with someone and don’t allude to it being a one-time occurrence, you should probably not avoid talking to them again. At least that is what it is like in America. It isn’t that way everywhere. Which is a prime example of cultural differences you won’t find in a travel brochure.
Also, before leaving for Canada my friend Maggie, who is one of the most supportive and encouraging souls I’ve ever met, was thrilled to hear about me studying abroad. She asked me all the questions: what’s it like seeing so many new places and meeting new people, etc.
She also asked if I met a certain someone. I told her no, absolutely not, because no one deserves to take away from this experience I’m treating myself to. I’ve been on a self-love binge for a while now, enjoying being selfish about myself, my time, my energy, my life.
And I was about two days into school when I downloaded Tinder. Say what you want, but as someone looking to see more of the town and meet more of the people on a more personal level, it made sense. I actually did end up meeting some cool people, one of which being a guy in the army here in Canada and some of his friends.
I found an amazing pizza place, saw some beautiful churches and got to scope out more of the downtown area. But one of the people I ended up meeting was Rem, who is basically a male version of me.
Rem, also from Colorado, has dual-citizenship in Canada and the United States and is working on getting citizenship in Australia too. He’s a single child, loves photography and works for BrockTV. He plays ball hockey, does sports commentary and he’s probably one of the funniest people I have ever met. He has the biggest heart and cares for people with his entire being.
It didn’t take long for me to have some pretty real feelings for him. After our coffee dates at Tim Hortons with his coworkers and watching his ball hockey games and our daily late-night talks about photography, sports, Canada, the States and everything in between, we decided to make our relationship official. But there are some parts of our relationship that -are inevitably different because of our situation. We have an expiration date – what I call it anyways.
I made the decision not to work while I studied abroad. I should have worked. Money is tight when you’re not making any. Without an income, there’s no way for me to really extend my stay without returning to the U.S. So I’ll be coming back in late April- but I don’t know for how long. Choosing to not work also meant I didn’t have to get a Visa for my travels (you don’t need one in Canada if you’re from certain countries and only staying for less than six months). When I’m done with this semester, I’ll be an illegal citizen here. These things were fine with me (albeit a little saddening because four months is still a short time to study abroad). But that was also before I met Remy, and with that strain on a relationship, it’s not easy.
Because of it, our timeline has sped up. Subconsciously or fully consciously, we made official a brand new relationship after only knowing each other for a couple of weeks. And everything else has been sped up, too, with the date looming closer than both of us would like to acknowledge. Sometimes our nights are filled with conversations about what happens when I have to go home. Do we try long-distance? Do we break up? Because of this, sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to be in a relationship with someone from a different country at all.
But here’s the thing. Without Rem, I would’ve never met some of the most lively friends I have here. If not for his help there would still be parts of Canadian life I still wouldn’t have figured out. There are things we share in our own bubble because we’re both Coloradans. And there are things I can talk to him about that I can’t with other people here. He shows me his world, I show him mine and we build our own together. And why wouldn’t I want to be around someone who cares about me in the way he does? Why wouldn’t I want to be around someone like him? He’s a genuine, great guy. An amazing guy, actually. He’s made this experience one very close to my heart. And so it’s worth it to me, to risk a little bit of heartbreak, to risk some distance and to risk some complication. He’s worth that; we’re worth that.
With every relationship, the ending is unknown. Perhaps she cheats and it’s over one month from now. Perhaps in a year, there’s a car accident and the doctors can’t do anything, and you lose him forever. Perhaps you move away, perhaps you choose to fill your days with school instead of love, perhaps it’s just not what you want, perhaps you look up and realize you just don’t really feel the way you used to about a person.
Relationships end. Maybe there’s undying love, but there’s not an undying relationship. We all have a time limit. At least with Rem and I, we know when that is for us. We can make the most of what time we have together and cherish and value it for what it is. And while it’s sooner than we’d like, it makes how we spend that time meaningful. And when that time does come, I will look at the last four months unapologetically, because I’m pretty sure they’re the best in my life thus far.
