I hate when people invite themselves to private social events and hangouts.
Everyone has a social faux pas that triggers them to no end. For some, that may be chewing with an open mouth, for others it could be talking too loudly on the second story floor of the library or couples engaging in excessively cringey PDA. While those, too, annoy the hell out of me, there is one social faux pas in particular that sets me off like no other.
A social faux pas is defined as a slip up in etiquette, manners or social conduct, or an embarrassing social indiscretion. Something that, while relatively harmless, can be annoying as hell to witness or cause crippling second hand embarrassment.
I am a violently introverted and private person. My home is my sanctuary, my safe place from the outside world full of exhausting social interactions. If I do invite someone over to my place, they’re people I trust and am comfortable enough with to be in the presence of for hours on end.
Before university, I was part of a decent sized friend group. While I wasn’t close with everyone in it, I was friendly with most. They were the type of friendships that would rarely ever extend beyond the school borders, and that’s what I was comfortable with, but there were a few individuals from throughout the years that would show up to these events without an invitation.
I remember one instance when celebrating my birthday with my closest friends – a random person from my extended friend group showed up at my door in the middle of the party. In total I had spoken maybe 15 words to them and we shared a few classes, yet somehow they knew where I lived and that my party was being held that day. I didn’t invite them, and neither did any of my friends.
I only have three close friends for a reason. I don’t have the energy or patience to deal with spending extended periods of time with people who are strangers to me. Especially those who invite themselves to hangouts catered for those who I cherish most. I have no desire to bring random people that I don’t know on the misadventures that my friends and I partake in.
Whether this person had heard about the party in passing or were overhearing us talk about it, I have no idea. All I knew is that by showing up uninvited, it was incredibly invasive and it made me feel extremely uncomfortable. It made the rest of the party super awkward, in a second hand embarrassing kind of way.
The sad part is, if they had asked to join instead of showing up unannounced, there is a chance that I would have invited them to celebrate with us.
It’s even worse when watching this happen to other people. You can practically taste the awkwardness in the air. Half the time I don’t know who to feel bad for when these things happen. I understand and empathize with the desire to be accepted and to build community, but I also learned that it’s better to be on your own then surrounded by those who don’t actually want you there.
