Shockwaves are rolling through campus after an announcement to hand over all money management to robots.

This shift comes as a response to years of mismanagement and fumbling by human decision makers at Colorado Mesa University (CMU), who have not only mishandled funds but also left student clubs in a state of disarray.

Let’s face it: humans have had their chance, and they’ve blown it. CMU’s financial landscape resembles a chaotic jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces, thanks to human errors ranging from budget miscalculations to questionable spending decisions.

The result? Student organizations and clubs are left scrambling for crumbs while the elite few hog the financial banquet.

Consider the plight of the once-thriving Quidditch Club. They were once a beacon of sporting enthusiasm and camaraderie, but now lay in obscurity, starved of funds and support.

Humans are to blame, with their penchant for shortsightedness and bureaucratic bungling. The robots, on the other hand, promise a streamlined approach devoid of such ineptitudes.

Robo-bucks don’t discriminate. They don’t play favorites based on outdated biases or personal agendas. Every club, from the Skaters and Vapers to the Underwater Basket Weaving League, stands to benefit from the impartial and algorithmic allocation of resources. No more petty squabbles over budget cuts or unfair treatment—just efficient and equitable distribution of funds.

Some may argue that handing control to robots is a slippery slope toward a dystopian future where machines reign supreme. But let’s be realistic: if humans can’t get their act together when it comes to managing money, why not let the ones and zeros take over? At least robots won’t blow the budget on frivolous endeavors or succumb to the temptations of corruption and cronyism.

The era of robots controlling money isn’t a distant fantasy—it’s a pragmatic solution for the challenges of today. With artificial intelligence and machine learning capabilities evolving at breakneck speed, it’s time to harness these tools for the greater good of education and student welfare.

Let’s embrace the robo-revolution at CMU, bid farewell to human financial foibles and usher in a new era of fiscal responsibility and fairness. After all, if robots can manage our finances more efficiently, why not give them the keys to the cash vault? The Quidditch Club—and every other club on campus—will thank us.