Consent is often brushed off and oversimplified, but there’s actually a lot more to it than “yes” or “no.” Consent is essential to any sexual experience, but what is consent? Perhaps you think you know exactly what consent entails, that’s great. But this information is important to debrief yourself on regardless. Knowing what consent is can protect you from being manipulated and taken advantage of by others. It can also help you recognize when someone around you is being hurt, so that you can step in and prevent it. In order to recognize what consent is, one must understand what consent is not.
Consent is not given unconsciously
This should go without saying, but if someone is unconscious or unaware of what’s happening, they cannot give consent. They might have consented before they fell asleep or became inebriated, but that doesn’t matter. If, in the moment, they are unable to make clear and conscious decisions, they cannot give consent.
“Okay fine,” is not consent
If the answer is no at first, but someone is pestered until someone else get what they want, that is not consent. If the “yes” is given reluctantly and only to get their partner to shut up, it is not consent. Any sexual experience requires complete willingness from both parties, not just one.
Manipulation is not consent
If there is a power imbalance (i.e. someone owes someone something or someone is being blackmailed) and that imbalance is used to coerce someone into doing something they don’t want to do, that is not consent. This also applies to situations where there is a significant age gap or any other kind of power imbalance where one party is benefited, and the other is harmed. If someone is only engaging in sexual activity to protect their own safety, they have not given consent.
Clothing is not consent
This one is very simple. What someone is wearing means nothing, if they have not explicitly told their partner that they want to engage in sexual activity they have not given consent.
Even when consent has been given, it’s still important to communicate. Consent can be withdrawn at any point throughout the encounter, and both people involved have the responsibility to remain aware, attentive and considerate to the desires of their partner. Sex is a consensual agreement between two people, and consent is something that needs to be given clearly and explicitly.
