Casey Smith | The Criterion

Ahh, Tinder…the dating app that takes less effort and attention than getting dressed. Having a Tinder is like saying, ‘I give up on everything.’ It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I have one. We all have one.

I have deleted and re-downloaded my Tinder account more times than I can count, due to its superficial nature. I keep going back merely because it’s fun to see who is in the area, especially while traveling. No matter where I travel to, no matter what the culture is, there’s always about five different guys you can expect to meet on Tinder:    

The ghoster:

The guy who picks you up for one date and then never responds after the matter. He seemed nice and it appeared there was a connection, but he thought differently. Be angry for five minutes, but then understand that genuine feelings probably won’t come from something constructed of superficiality. Unfortunately, there isn’t a way to prepare for this one or pinpoint who will be the ghoster.

The booty burglar:

 

He just wants to steal the booty. Usually, this guy is sex crazed and willing to do anything to get in your pants. The conversation most likely will start off with, “You into butt stuff?” My question is: has this guy ever actually picked someone up using that line? Their profile is littered with shirtless gym selfies.

 

The adventurous guy:

Or he’s trying to convince you he’s adventurous. This guy likely has a bunch of outdoorsy pictures. One on the beach, one on the top of a mountain and one skydiving. His bio is likely just a list of flag emojis of where he has been. His bio mentions his spontaneity and all the cool things he has done. This category makes up about 50 percent of male Tinder profiles.

The country boy:

You can’t actually see this guy in his photos because he is wearing camo in all of them. He has countless photos of him with a PBR in one hand and a gun in the other. His last photo is probably either his dirt bike or his truck and his truck definitely has an American flag. The bio reads: “I’m not here for a long time, I’m here for a good time,” or any other country lyric ever. I don’t know what happens past the profile because I’ve never swiped right on one of these profiles.

Mr. Steal your girl:

Why does this guy even have a Tinder account? He seems perfect on paper. He has one picture of him with his dog, another of him with his mother and one more of him in a suit. He’s trying to prove he is liked by dogs, liked by parents and he’s driven. The conversation will be witty and well thought out, but be cautious, this guy is arrogant.

Let’s face it, men, your Tinder profile most likely fits into one of these categories and that’s okay. I’m not trying to point out that all the men on the app are the same, just the similarities in the many profiles that are out there. If what you’re doing is getting you dates, then keep doing you.   

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Cassidy Jimerson
Cassidy Jimerson is a mass communication major and a junior for the 2017/2018 academic year. Jimerson has contributed to several publications including CMU's Horizon Magazine. This is Cassidy's first year with The Criterion and is serving as the newspaper's assistant news editor. Cassidy also writes opinion pieces for her column "My Wine Ate My Homework."

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