by Whitney Robison
“Why don’t you ever wear makeup?”
“Keep your hair down, it looks so pretty!”
“Act like a lady!”
These are all things that have been said to me in my life, and this list doesn’t even scratch the surface. At first, I took these comments to heart. I would look at myself in the mirror after a long day and wonder why this body I felt so comfortable in wasn’t enough for everyone else. This hurt.
There were many occasions where I felt wrong to be who I was. I remember a time when my parents got excited when I told them I wanted to go to the mall and buy more feminine looking clothes instead of my usual camouflage shorts and baseball tees. The joy on their faces made me want to be this person they wanted me to be.
Another instance was on Valentine’s Day in middle school when my parents bought me a present. I am grateful for any present, but I got the feeling they were trying to mold me into someone else with this one.
They had given me a pink jewelry making kit. I sat there and pretended like I enjoyed this gift that was so thoughtfully wrapped just for me, but deep down I had wished they hadn’t wasted their money. I honestly would’ve rather had nothing at all that year.
It made me feel like it wasn’t okay to like baseball and G.I. Joes and I should be doing things that fit my gender more appropriately. Nothing against my parents; this all happened years ago and my parents are wonderful people who did not mean to do any harm to me. Now that they know exactly who I am and who I want to be, they sincerely love me unconditionally.
Because of all of these small nudges I received when I was younger to be more girly though, once I got to high school I started changing who I was to fit in. I dressed more “appropriately” to fit my supposed gender. It felt good to fit in, to feel accepted, but it did not make me happy at the end of the day. Looking at my senior pictures, I am almost unrecognizable. I had my hair crimped, my makeup caked on, and cowboy boots and short shorts. Sure, I think I looked good; I’ll admit that, but that wasn’t me.
After high school I started to slowly embrace who I was. I am not sure what moment it was that made me decide to stop conforming to society’s rules, but I do know it took some time. It was the best decision I ever made.
I finally stopped caring what other people thought of me. I was just me, finally. Mascara, Victoria’s Secret underwear and curling irons were no longer a luxury I needed, much less wanted. Sure, high school was amazing, but I have never been more happy with myself than I am now.
That is purely because I embraced who I am and did not conform to gender norms any longer. I’m on my high horse, I’ll admit it, I love myself. That is how it should be for everyone.
Unfortunately, that is not how it is for everyone. Why do we succumb to gender norms? Why can’t we be ourselves without fear of being excluded from the ‘cool group’ or being made an outcast?
My advice? Be who you are. I promise the moment you take that step to just be you, your life will start to change. Regardless of what you look like or what you wear, if you love yourself, it shows. People notice, and to be honest, it is attractive.
Get out there and be yourself, you are beautiful.
