by Joe Azar

   It shouldn’t surprise anyone that my social awkwardness has led me to some unfortunate moments with women. After all, they find me attractive the same way they would find a cactus cuddly; I turn into a classic cartoon who’s dumbfounded anytime a girl starts a conversation with me. When I do stupidly decide to talk to them, it normally ends badly. Not necessarily because I say something offensive, I would never do that, but because I say something that could be taken a totally different way than how I meant it. Such is the case with the final story I will tell you from my Chick-Fil-A days. 

   Now, full disclosure, I know what I said to this woman could be taken as offensive, but I promise you I meant it in the most innocent way possible. My sweet mother raised me right, and it’s just due to my stupidity that I fell into this situation, and I own it.

   At Chick-Fil-A, if a customer wants a refill, they have to come up to the register and we will refill their drinks for them. The company sees it as a way for workers and the restaurant to connect with the guest and enhance their experience. How a teenager filling up their lemonade with way too much or too little ice makes a customer’s experience at a fast food joint similar to that of Disneyland beats me, but I pick and choose my battles.

   To abide by the health code, the guests have to take off the lids before we are allowed to take their drinks and refill them, which is understandable considering the amount of chicken grease we touch. It was thanks to this rule that my luck turned for the worst one day.

   After opening the store at 5:30 in the morning, I was pretty tired after the lunch rush that finished up at two. Working the register, a brunette in what looked like her late 20s approached me. She was pretty cute, so I gave her my best ‘innocent, but hey he might be mysterious’ half-smile that I’ve tried with all attractive women (full disclosure: it has never worked).

   She wanted a refill on her sweet tea, but her lid was still on. Now, a normal person would just ask her to take the lid off, but she, unfortunately, was dealing with an unintelligent employee. Instead of saying “lid,” I called “lids” “tops,” mainly because my boss said it that way and I just fell into the habit of saying it every once in awhile. So my exact words to this woman when she asked for a refill were: “Sure, can you take your top off?”

   I had no idea what I just said to her or how bad it sounded. She stared at me absolutely baffled at the question I just asked her. I stared at her in confusion. What was her problem? Is she offended that she had to take the lid off?

   Thank goodness I didn’t say this, but after five seconds of awkward silence, I was about to ask her if she’d prefer me to take her top off for her. For the sake of my future, I’m happy I kept my mouth shut.

   Thankfully, after 10 tense seconds or so she understood what I meant and just chuckled and gave me her drink. After she left it took me a good 20 minutes to realize what I asked that woman to do, and from then on I made sure I never used another word outside of “lid” again.