As my time in college draws to a close, I am reminded of all the wonderful memories I’ve had over my time at two different universities. But who am I kidding, this is “Tyler’s Tirades!” If I’m not stark raving mad about something, however trivial it may be, “Tirades” wouldn’t be the same.

So in celebration of the second to last ever Tirade I will write for this newspaper, it’s time to go weapon’s grade. This is the “Tyler’s Tirade” to end all “Tyler’s Tirades.” This is everything wrong with college.

For starters, do I really need to spend thousands of dollars on subpar food and a so-called “unlimited meal plan” that has a 1,000 meal limit? Not that you can use them all of course. If you do the math, someone who eats three squares a day entirely on a meal plan, every day from the first day of school to the last, including breaks and holidays, would only use 789 meals. That’s 211 that go unused. Waste of money, if you ask me.

Speaking of wastes of money, how about that $280 textbook you hardly opened? No worries though, you can still sell it back…for eight bucks. And let’s be honest, textbooks as a whole should have been rendered useless with the dawn of the internet age. Let’s face it, the same type of information I can get with a $300 biology textbook, I can find using a carefully-worded google search. In fact, I’ll bet you most of those $300 biology textbooks got information from Google, with new wording and colorful packaging.

Speaking of being packaged in, dorm living is pretty stupid if you ask me. Riddle me this: if the point of college is to prepare young minds for the future while simultaneously making them functioning adults in society, why do we still live in dorms? Dorms, hyperbolically speaking, are like prisons. You’re assigned a cellmate whom you’ve never met before, live in a confined space, with routine inspections to check for drugs and you have to use a communal shower. At this point, the only difference between cell living and dorm living is the ability to decorate it.

Speaking of decorating, this next point has nothing to do with it at all, I just needed a transitional sentence. Bad professors; we’ve all had them, we’ve all hated them and we’ve all told the younglings to never take a class with them if at all possible. I’ll withhold names, for obvious reasons, but I’ve had two schools worth of professors who sucked. There’s the inept health teacher who was barely out of high school, the history teacher who took “Genghis Khan,” “Kublai Khan,” “Chaka Khan” and “Wrath of Khan” as acceptable answers to a test and of course, Dr. Oz. How some of these professors manage to stay employed is beyond me.

Speaking of stupid, general education courses are, well, stupid. I’m a mass communications major. The only time I’ve used math in this major is working with data in Excel, and even then it’s not really math because the computer is doing it for me. So why did I ever need a math class for a non-math major? Or better yet, if I was going to take a math class, why couldn’t it have been more practical like, “how to balance a checkbook,” or “calculate your tax refund,” or “couponing for idiots.” And the fact that as a senior mass communications major in college, I still needed to take a speech class, is objectively stupid. I talk on radio for a living, I think I know how to speak to an audience, thank you very much.

And hey, since we’re on the subject of my work in radio, let’s talk about work. I love my job. It’s the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Having a two hour long sports talk show with my best buddies is the greatest way to start my day. I have traveled long hours, worked long days and long nights because I love radio. So when a person who has no clue what I do for a living, tells me that it’s not that hard and that I should try being a chemistry major like they are because that’s harder and more practical, I get a little annoyed. This, of course, happened years ago, and I have since moved on, but I am still peeved.

While the list goes on and on about how college can be stupid, let’s face it, the only reason I even have a platform to write about it is because I went to college. Though it is often infuriating, college has given me a great opportunity and I would not be the kind of person, or writer, I am without it. Next week’s tirade will be the final chapter, so here’s hoping it’ll be closer to the “Cheers” finale, rather than the “Seinfeld” one.