Anna Dunn
Over the last couple of weeks, students 
at Colorado Mesa University may have noticed the Rowdy Wranglers setting up stations around campus where passersby have the opportunity to pet some baby Rowdys. Their goal, find a new calf worthy of replacing Rowdy II. For the past 11 years Rowdy II has worked his job tirelessly, showing up at various school events and encompassing the heart of the Mavily, now his time to retire has come.
Rowdy sat down with the Criterion’s staff writer Slippery Pickles to talk about his exit.During the course of the interview, Rowdy II discussed his proudest moments throughout his career and how he feels about the new kids on the block looking to fill his hooves. He also spoke on what he plans to do after retirement, his future after a life in the limelight.
Slippery: After the retirement of Rowdy I, what made you stand out more than the other applicants looking to be the new Rowdy?
Rowdy: Just like everything else in life you have to fight, hoof and tail for what you want, so I made sure to bust the kneecaps of all them steers who stood in my way. You can’t lead a horse to water if it ain’t got no legs, they had no choice but to pick me!
Slippery: What were your first years of working as CMU’s live mascot like?
Rowdy: I had some big shoes to fill, and that pressure got to me in the beginning, but I made sure to utilize things that helped me to relax and clear my mind when things got tough. A good ol’ triple dose of Xylazine never fails to get the job done. It was tough, but I got the hang of it, eventually.
Slippery: Throughout your 11 year career, what moment are you the most proud of?
Rowdy: The first time I got arrested was when them goons from Colorado School of Mines came to town back in ‘19 for a football game. Something about the way their stupid mule was looking at me just didn’t sit right. Had the devil in his eyes. So naturally I swore at him and declared him a tart.
Slippery: How do you feel about the up and coming Rowdy’s looking to take your place?
Rowdy: Them little shits dont know what they’re signing up for! Sure all the heifers say that they love you, but all they’re really after is your money. Life in the limelight is rough, almost as rough as being sympathetic to the struggles of the average American, but I have too much money to worry about plebeian inconveniences.
Slippery: What do you plan to do after your retirement?
Rowdy: I’m not retiring without a fight, they’re gonna have to send me to a glue factory for that to happen. This generation doesn’t know a damn thing about an honest day’s work and the impenetrable American spirit!
Everyone is looking forward to welcoming the new Rowdy III. As for Rowdy II, he plans to live the rest of his days at Ronalds Glue Factory the Happy Pet Farm where he will spend his time relaxing in the sun, frolocking through rain puddles and grazing to his hearts content.