Humans like to think that the holidays are a time to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

They are actually a time for people who don’t enjoy each other that much to pretend to enjoy each other, “Because that’s what families do during the holidays, and we haven’t seen them since last year.”

Take it upon yourself to relieve some of this tension.

The first and most important thing is alcohol. Find it. There is no holiday gathering in the world that is void of alcohol because holiday functions are only so festive for so long. After a couple days, they get monotonous and depressing.

The alcohol is around here somewhere. This includes church functions and nursing homes. If alcohol isn’t being served, someone is being naughty — find them.

Every party has those goofy acquaintances that your parents only associate with around the holidays. These can be distant family, co-workers or someone whom “we haven’t seen in ages.”

These people are the coolest. They aren’t around your parents enough to just fall into your family’s awkward holiday routines. They feel kind of out of place and a little shy. This is the person you want to reach out to. Bring that alcohol you found earlier.

After you’ve sifted through the more boring parent-friends and found the one that has the yuletide boredom to match yours, you can actually start enjoying yourself.

Once you’ve found this person with whom you can level, possibilities get more diverse. Try starting a drinking game for every time your weird uncle does that thing with his hair or just get into an argument about “kids these days.” Anything that’s more interesting than telling people what you want to do after you graduate.