Welcome class of ‘21. Your presence on campus is noticed. The little things you may subconsciously display make you who are. It is nothing to be ashamed of, for college is a rite of passage into adulthood. We, the upperclassman, the ones you should bow down to have been there, done that and survived. We know who you are—but do you?
You might be a freshman if any of the following apply to you:
You carry all your books in your backpack.
This makes you look like a freshie with an oversized turtle shell.
You have gotten caught by an R.A for being under some type influence.
R.A.s are not out to get you. In fact, they want to be your friends; don’t cause them the hassle of paperwork by stumbling through the front door.
You have interrupted a lecture by raising your hand to go to the bathroom.
This is not high school, kids! If you gotta go, then go!
You took syllabus week way too seriously.
Syllabus week is like an open house, you’re seeing what you’re getting yourself into. Standard rules apply to all: no plagiarism, be respectful, and turn your stuff in on time.
You hide your alcohol in the closet.
Don’t put yourself in the situation for someone to go looking for it.
You have yet to find a study spot on campus.
Good luck, all the good ones are taken.
Your Pinterest is filled with dorm decor and “how to stay organized” pins.
Let your room acquire some character with stuff you find, not buy.
You haven’t had a mental breakdown over an assignment at two in the morning.
I highly advise you to stay calm and carry on, or maybe just cry and move on.
You haven’t heard someone in the room next to you having sex.
Take this as an opportunity to indulge in some heavy metal music.
You have an Instagram photo of you posing in front of the Colorado Mesa University sign.
Leave this one for your proud parents to share the news.
You have your next week of #OOTDs (outfit of the day) planned.
I question your priorities if you manage to make it to your eight AM class with curled hair, the perfect cat eye and heels every time.
You wear your keys and Mavcard on a lanyard around your neck.
You forget you are paying for your education.
Reminder, every class missed is equivalent to 200 dollars that you probably don’t have. Spend your unexcused absences sparingly.
You have every color of highlighter in your pencil pouch.
I’m guessing that half the time it will get lost or it will not be returned after you loan it out to your unprepared deskmate.
You don’t know the difference between Pale Ales and Porters.
It’s okay, you can’t afford either. I’ll tell you about it when you’re older.
Your vocabulary is limited to “savage,” “that’s fire” and “like cool.”
Thank goodness English 111 is a requirement.
You exert too much mental and physical energy to eat at the dining hall.
Starving isn’t worth sitting alone for.
You don’t know the traffic laws of walking up or down the stairs in Escalante.
Sometimes it’s okay to follow the crowd.
Your phone goes off in class.
At the very least have a ringtone that is catchy.
You write down every word of the professor’s PowerPoint.
Insiders tip: majority of the time they are on D2L.
You haven’t used Sparknotes 10 minutes before class.
This isn’t cheating. This is time management.
If you find these actions apply to you, then you are right where you are supposed to be: at the bottom of the sacred totem pole. In a matter of semesters, you will be able to understand in hindsight the hierarchy of college. Enjoy the last of your freshman phase, for it will make great stories in the future.